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3 Oct

You’ve Hit the 4 Month Relationship Mark: What Should You Expect?

If you’re past the three month mark and moving forward, you might be wondering what a 4 month relationship means and what label to put on it.

There are many so-called rules to relationships that it’s no wonder we’re all confused about if the 4 month relationship mark is different than the 3 or 6 month mark!

In those first few months of dating someone, you’re on cloud nine, loving every second and can’t get enough of one another, but there’s another side of it too. You’re confused. You’re oh-so confused!

What does it all mean? What exactly are you? Are you in a relationship or are you still dating? There are so many questions!

The good news is that you’re not alone. This is all part and parcel of being with another person. You’re certainly not going through something that millions of people haven’t gone through before or will go through in the time to come. There is simply no hard and fast answer to give you.

Why it’s normal to have questions in a 4 month relationship

Every single relationship or dating situation on the planet is different. That’s what makes love so complicated yet wonderful.

I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom to impart upon you and take away all your questions. Seriously, all you can do is look at your own situation and judge it from there. The best way? Go by your gut feeling.

Most people start to question a 4 month relationship. The reason is because you’re past the first flurry of dates, things might *or might not* have become physical, and you might have met friends and possibly even family members. Of course, other relationships might not have arrived at any of those so-called milestones.

The best advice? Never compare your relationship to anyone else’s! Your 4 month relationship might be much further on than your friends’, or it might be a little further behind. There is no solid point you should be at after 4 months of regularly dating each other.

What to expect from a 4 month relationship

While true that every 4 month relationship is totally different, there are a few signs you should watch for. You don’t want to be stuck in a situation that doesn’t seem to be moving at all; if you’re keen to take the relationship towards something more serious and your partner doesn’t, you probably won’t want to invest anymore than the 4 months you’ve already put forward. Who can blame you?

Remember, never compare and never have rules about where you should be at a certain timeframe, but after 4 months of dating or seeing each other, whatever you want to call it, there are some averages you might want to look for.

For instance, most couples have usually uttered the L word around the 3 month mark. If you haven’t said it or your partner hasn’t, don’t panic! Everyone moves at a different pace where this big milestone is concerned, and you have no idea what their dating past really looked like. If they were in an abusive relationship in the past, they may take much longer to feel comfortable saying the L word. It might also be that they’re unsure for other reasons, or they’re worried about your reaction. So, while none of this answers your questions firmly, it does give you something to look towards as to where the relationship is potentially going.

Additionally, a 4 month relationship probably won’t be super-comfortable just yet. You might be a little more open and feel completely fine cracking jokes that you wouldn’t have attempted to try in the first or second month, but a 4 month relationship means you’re still on your best behavior.

Most relationships don’t move into completely comfortable territory, i.e. you let them see you without your hair done and you’re quite happy to share your bodily functions, until around the sixth month or even later. So, the changes of just letting it all hang out, quite literally, by the fourth month, are pretty slim.

What else should you expect?

Some people have met family members by this point and others haven’t. I didn’t meet my partner’s parents until a year into the relationship. While that might sound very late to some, the situation simply deemed it necessary. So, you shouldn’t judge your relationship based on someone else’s because it doesn’t mean you’re failing in any way. You’re just moving at your own pace.

You should however be seeing each other very regularly. There might even be plans to go on vacations or breaks together. It doesn’t mean you’ve actually been on them yet, but there are loose plans for things to do in the near future.

Put simply, there should be some sign that the relationship is moving forward in some way. And, you should be having a lot of fun. If you can’t remember the last time you laughed together, at this point, the relationship is in trouble! Everything should be fun right now, even if you have questions about what it all means.

What should you call a 4 month relationship?

Ah, the big question!

Are you in a relationship at this point yet? I would say that officially you are, but it might not have been spoken or confirmed. If you’re spending a lot of time with someone on a regular basis and it’s lasted for 4 months and moving forward, you’re more than just friends. You can’t really call it dating.

If you’ve said the “L” word, you have proof it’s a relationship. If you haven’t, after this amount of time it’s definitely akin to it, if not already there.

Not everyone feels the need to sit down and have a conversation about what something actually is. Not everyone feels the need to put a label on it. If you need that, by all means after this amount of time, have a chat to find out where your partner is, but it’s not always necessary. Sometimes you simply have to watch someone’s actions and what they do for you to know.

However, if your partner seems quite uncomfortable or even shifty about what to call the 4 month relationship, consider it a slight red flag. That’s not to say it’s a huge problem, because you don’t always know someone’s history. However, you should start to wonder why they’re not so sure after this amount of time.

Let’s be honest, 4 months is a considerable chunk of time. If you’re not sure about someone by that point, how much longer is it going to take? Sure, it’s normal to not know what your real feelings are, i.e. do you love them yet, but you should at least understand that you want the relationship to carry on and develop, or you aren’t ready for something more serious.

Of course, it’s not all about them, it’s about how you feel too. How do you feel about your partner? Do you see this 4 month relationship carrying on and going somewhere else? Do you feel happy with them and want to see where it goes? There should be no pressure at this point, but you should have a general idea of whether or not you want it to carry on, or whether it’s probably going to start to fizzle out.

A 4 month relationship is at a pivotal point. Understanding what you want and whether you see yourself getting it with this person will allow you to avoid potentially wasting more of your time.

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