You’re putting yourself out there to meet a guy who may end up becoming your boyfriend. But you’re wondering, why don’t guys ask me out! What’s going on?
I remember having these thoughts. I updated my dating profile, had cute and sweets of myself, with a witty description. How could anyone resist such a charming dating profile? why don’t guys ask me out?!
Sure, I had a couple of guys who were curious, but none of them ventured past a basic conversation. In other words, I didn’t really get any dates. In the beginning, I thought they all had problems and that they didn’t know what a catch was when they saw one. But, after some time, I started to think if it was maybe something I was doing, a vibe I was giving off.
Now, just because men aren’t asking you out on dates, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It could be you just haven’t encountered the right people, or you’re not looking in the right places *is there even a right place anyways? Who knows*
But if you’re not into cars and you hang out at a NASCAR tournament, it may not be the best place to spend your time. Then again, people meet in the weirdest of situations and end up falling in love. So, who am I to judge? But if you’re wondering why guys don’t ask you out, let’s take a look at some of the possible reasons.
Why don’t guys ask me out? The 12 real reasons why guys don’t date you
What’s going on?
#1 There is no actual reason. Listen, there may not be an actual reason why no one asks you out. Maybe it’s more of a “wrong place, wrong time,” type of situation. Or maybe you don’t really spend a lot of time out of your house. So, don’t automatically assume there’s something wrong with you because you don’t have a date.
#2 You’re not over your past. We all have a past, and for some of us, our pasts aren’t always pretty. Maybe you’re not fully over your ex, and to be honest, no one wants to go into a relationship with someone who hasn’t moved on from their ex. They don’t want to be a filler or rebound. If you’re not over your past, work on emotionally processing it first.
#3 You just want a man. Do you wonder, why don’t guys ask me out, but then again, you say you don’t care who the guy is as long as you find one.
You don’t really care who the man is, what’s important is that you have a man. And when a guy senses that, they’re not going to be interested in furthering the relationship. Just like you, a guy wants to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with him. Not to fill a space. They want to feel as they actually matter to their partner.
#4 You believe you’re flawless. I know Beyonce was singing about us being flawless, but listen, you have flaws. This doesn’t mean you’re tainted and seen as less of a person. Everyone has flaws. But what’s important is you recognize them, and understand that your partner doesn’t need to appreciate behavior that is toxic. Of course, they should accept you’re not perfect, and vice versa. But if there’s something that needs to be fixed or worked on, don’t ignore it.
#5 You don’t know what you want. You don’t necessarily need to know what you want, but saying you want a serious relationship and then treating this guy like a booty call isn’t creating a clear understanding of what the relationship is. If you’re not sure what you want, you don’t necessarily need to act on it.
#6 You don’t have the same future as them. Maybe you want to live on a farm with ten dogs and have a couple of chickens. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you’re living in the middle of New York City, then men you’re meeting may not be interested in having that lifestyle in the future. If they sense you don’t share the same future interests as them, they’re not going to pursue the relationship.
#7 You’re focusing on men who are into themselves. Ugh, don’t get me started on this. When I was single, this was one of the big mistakes that I made. I was interested in guys who were clearly uninterested in me. And the less they wanted to be with me, the more I liked them. Obviously, this is a sign of low self-esteem.
#8 You’re not going with the flow. It’s hard to be relaxed and chill when you really like a guy. But if you’re too aggressive, it’s a turn-off and seen as a warning. It’s the same for guys; we don’t like them when they’re too aggressive. So, what do we do? We pull back. Slow things down and try to let them flow naturally.
#9 They’re scared of rejection. You’ll be surprised how many men are scared of rejection. And it’s completely understandable. No one wants to be rejected when they put themselves out there. If you feel this may be the problem, ask your friends and see how approachable you look. If you spend most of your time sitting in the corner of the bar, constantly on your phone, no one will approach you.
#10 Men do want to ask you out. But you’re just not noticing the ones who are interested in you. This happens all the time. It’s not that men don’t want to ask you out, but some may be ones who you never considered as possible partners. Maybe you think they’re not your type, etc.
#11 Some guys like it easy. What can I say? Not all guys want a challenge. This doesn’t mean you should become “easy.” You could just be encountering guys who want an easy and quick-rewarding experience. If you’re looking for something more than a fling or one-night stand, then this isn’t going to work for you.
#12 They think you’re already taken. Some men, without asking, simply assume you’re already taken. So, they don’t bother to approach you. Plus, if his friends like you, he may not try to ask you out, as he’s probably figuring out his odds and assuming they’re slim-to-none. But, if you like him, then you need to give him a subtle hint that you do.
If you’ve been wondering, why don’t guys ask me out, well, now you know why! Hopefully, these reasons have helped you gain some clarity, and taught you a few good ways to make yourself way more approachable.