Have you ever gazed into someone’s soul? Learn about soul gazing and you’ll foster intimacy and a deeper connection with your partner.
You might think that you have a deep and meaningful connection with your partner, but until you’ve attempted soul gazing, you’ve never actually penetrated into their inner soul.
It sounds painful, but thankfully it’s not!
Soul gazing is a practice which has been around for thousands of years, and it’s used in relationship counseling but also in tantric practice. Regardless of that, it’s a pastime which you can use with your partner and lean how to become closer, teaching you more about that person sitting in front of you than you could possibly know from even a conversation.
The problem is, most of us don’t feel extremely comfortable sitting there and staring into someone’s eyes for more than a few seconds. You’ll probably end up bursting into laughter the first few times you do it, but stick with it because this is a truly rewarding thing to attempt.
What can soul gazing do for you?
Soul gazing boosts trust and understanding between people, usually romantic partners although not always, but it’s also a way to increase intimacy and have a breakthrough moment of actually feeling like you know the other person.
Soul gazing is a type of meditation, which means it will take practice. The eyes are the entrance to the soul, and by gazing into them, you’re unlocking the door and moving almost into another dimension of knowing that other person. It’s an experience you’re not likely to forget, even if you do have a few false starts.
You don’t have to only soul gaze with your romantic partner, you can do it with friends, family members, colleagues, or even someone you’ve never met, but for the optimum benefit from the experience, try it with your partner. It’s also a safe space because you know each other already and if you burst out laughing a few times, you’ll both know it’s perfectly fine!
How to soul gaze
Before you start soul gazing, have a conversation with your partner. Make sure that you’re both comfortable with it. While you might find it amusing to begin with, simply because staring at someone can be a little awkward at first, the more you practice and gain benefit from it, the more you’re going to gain and learn.
You have no control over what you’re going to feel or discover. For many people who try it, it can be a very emotional experience.
If you’re both happy to go ahead, choose a time that suits you both. You should be free of distractions, so make sure you both turn off your phones. Don’t choose a time which is squeezed in-between other obligations. Soul gazing half an hour before you need to be somewhere is not a good choice.
Soul gazing only takes five minutes in practice, but prepare beforehand. That means making sure that you’re comfortable, you’re not wearing restrictive clothing, the light in the room isn’t too bright and distracting, and that the heat is at an optimum temperature. You need enough light to be able to see each other clearly, but not so much that you’re squinting or avoiding the glare.
Some people like to smudge the room they’re sitting with sage beforehand, to get rid of any negative or outdated energy and welcome in the new. This can also be a great way to get your mind in the right place.
Once you sit down to start soul gazing, make sure that you’re both extremely comfortable with where you’re sitting. You should be upright and at the same level. Put some cushions on the floor if that’s best for you and make sure that you’re not going to be distracted by backache or anything else which might take your attention away from the discoveries you’re trying to make. If you find it easier to sit on chairs, that’s fine, but make sure that you’re at an even height as much as possible.
Ideally, be around an arm’s length away from your partner, facing one another. Set a timer for five minutes’ duration. When you’re ready to begin, place your right hand palm down into their left hand, and your left hand palm down into their right hand.
Before you begin, you might find it easier to center yourself. So sit in your position with your hands clasped as I’ve just outlined and both of you close your eyes. Focus on your breath and slowly count to 30. This is a good way to calm yourself and bring your attention firmly into the moment.
When you’re ready, simply look into your partner’s eyes. Hold their gaze, either by looking directly into both eyes, or focusing on one. Whatever works for you here! There is no right or wrong answer. If you need to blink, that’s fine, you don’t have to stare. This should be natural.
If you’re struggling to connect, align your breathing to pull you closer together. As you breathe in, let your hand rise a little, just as your stomach would. Then breathe out and let it fall back down gently. Your partner will easily sync their breathing pattern with yours from these cues.
The number one rule: do not talk. That’s the only thing you 100% should not do. These five minutes should be clear of any noise or verbal interaction. As you hold your partner’s gaze, you might feel emotional or like you want to cry. You might want to laugh or feel strange and not be able to put a label on it. It’s all fine. The longer you hold their gaze, the more you should understand why you feel that way.
When the timer goes off, you can remove your eyes from theirs. It’s useful to stay sitting together and holding hands. Simply, maintain the connection for a few seconds longer.
What are you supposed to learn from soul gazing?
Whatever comes to you! There are no definite answers here. You might simply gain a sensation of being closer to your partner in that moment. It will probably last for hours afterwards. The more you do it, the longer the sensation will remain.
You might feel like you learned something or find an answer to a question. It’s a personal experience. It is best done when you’re feeling open to whatever comes your way. If you have expectations about what soul gazing will bring to you, you’re more likely to be disappointed and left trying to overanalyze everything.
Soul gazing is often used in tantric practice to strengthen the bond between partners. But you can do this in any setting, with anyone you choose. Between partners, it helps to open the doors of intimacy and develop a deeper sense of trust. The more you do it, the more you’ll feel comfortable. Then the more you’ll gain from it.
Soul gazing takes time and practice. You shouldn’t expect for everything to click into place on the first attempt, but take it seriously to get the most from it.