Does your boyfriend have a close female friend? To ease the waters, there are boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow for peace.
When you first start dating, it’s all wonderful and romantic, then small things creep in and bother you. Like your boyfriend’s super-close female friend, for example. But there are boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow to keep peace.
Have you been in this situation before? It can be super-annoying and confusing to deal with. If the female in question is particularly clingy when it comes to her friend, you might feel that she is acting against you, freezing you out, or even worse, making a quiet move on your guy behind your back.
The likelihood is that she simply feels a little threatened because she used to have her friend all to herself. Now, you’ve come along and he’s not spending as much time with her anymore. You can understand it, but at the same time, she should certainly understand you too.
Boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow at all times, or else!
The key? Set boundaries that should not be crossed. In that case, your boyfriend can continue a close friendship with someone he knows and cares about. You can continue to allow your relationship to develop without jealousy and petty annoyances.
So, what are those boundaries? You can set any particular boundaries that work for you. But, here are nine basic boundaries your boyfriend’s female friends should follow at all times. No questions asked.
#1 No secret conversations that make you feel left out. Now, be a little open minded on this one. Understand that your boyfriend’s friend needs to talk to him in private about something in her life that you don’t need to know about. However, those situations should be few and far between.
If you feel like there is a lot of whispering and private conversation going on between your boyfriend and his friend, you’re going to wonder what they’re talking about. And it will slowly drive a wedge between you. You should not get to the point where you feel like you have to ask your boyfriend to choose between you and her. He’s known her longer, what’s to say you’ll win?
#2 Date nights are yours and yours alone. She might drop in occasionally. Maybe you all go out for drinks sometimes. BUT date nights should belong to you and your boyfriend and no one else. If she encroaches on this sacred couple time, your boyfriend should have a word. Make sure that she understands this is a boundary that can’t be crossed.
Hopefully, she will completely understand this from the get-go and an intervention will never be needed.
#3 Understand your need for couple’s private time. Aside from date nights being for the two of you only, one of the boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow is the understanding that couples should have private time. They should have conversations that are private to them and there should be ‘in’ jokes that no one else is privy.
Yes, the first boundary was that she shouldn’t be having private conversations with your boyfriend. But a couple having them is totally different. As a couple, there should be a certain amount of privacy involved.
#4 No ‘in’ jokes that you aren’t a part. One of the worst feelings is being excluded from something, especially when you’re looking at your boyfriend joking with another woman, friend or not.
If there are ‘in’ jokes, they should be explained to you, even if you’re not really a key part of them. At least then you understand it and won’t feel threatened by it and wonder about the underlying message.
It’s super-easy to become paranoid in this type of situation but, by explaining things to you, you side-step the problem.
#5 Understand that you can’t just call like you used to. Your boyfriend’s friend used to have no problem calling in the evening before you got together or having long text conversations. That must reduce drastically now that he has a relationship. It’s no fun for you if you’re on the sofa watching TV together and he’s laughing at his phone because she’s constantly texting him gifs and emojis.
She should understand that while she can call and still have a close friendship with him, she also needs to take into account your feelings and schedule calls and long text conversations for better times.
#6 Trips away are no more. It could be that your boyfriend often went on trips or weekends away with his girl best friend, completely platonic and above board. One of the big boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow is not to ask him to go away or go out on these big night’s out without you. You two are a package deal now.
While you may choose not to go and give your blessing for your boyfriend to have a bit of down time with his friend, you should at least be asked. It’s a big no-no to not consider you part of the gang.
#7 Keep her hands to herself. It’s normal for friends to be tactile with one another, because they know that there’s nothing romantic or sexual in it. However, it doesn’t mean you see it that way.
A huge boundary is that tactile touching and hugging is now over. It’s not respectful to you. Also, it might make people around you think that something is going on. You’ll then receive messages and conversations about your boyfriend with another woman. While you know there’s nothing in it, the fact that others think there might be isn’t fun for you. She must keep her hands to herself!
#8 Any social media posting needs to be clear. Touching should stop to avoid anyone getting the wrong idea, you included. But the same goes for social media posting.
It’s easy for others to get the wrong idea, particularly if members of your family see anything that could easily be confused or misconstrued. Can you imagine the conversation? Anything that she posts on social media including him must be clear that it is from a friendship point of view only. Excessive posting should also stop. Once more, it’s not respectful to you.
#9 Don’t talk behind your back. It’s hard when your friend couples up. Suddenly they’re not around as much as they were before. And, when it’s a friend of the opposite gender, your friendship is bound to change a little because of the boundaries we’re talking about here. With that in mind, it’s probable that she will become a little frustrated. It might cause friction between the two of you.
One of the biggest boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow is zero talking about you in a negative way. The same goes for you talking about her. It’s not fair to put him in the middle of two important people in his life.
The boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow may sound harsh. But, in practice, they actually happen quite naturally.