We all want to be comfortable but not if that leads to boredom. So, join me and learn how to not be boring in a relationship.
If I was bad at my job, I would say be spontaneous. The best way to counteract boredom is spontaneity. But, my guess is you already know that. You know what is boring and what isn’t, so simply saying do something different or daring won’t quite be enough for you to know how to not be boring in a relationship.
Relationships get boring. That is their nature. Routine turns into ruts, and you get bored. That doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t a good match or that you have no passion. It just means it is time for a change.
That change can be small or major but as long as you realize your relationship is getting stale and something needs to happen you’re off to a good start.
Identify boredom in a relationship
Is something off? Or are you just bored? Maybe you go out to eat the same night every week and see the same friends and go on the same vacations. Anything routine will become boring after a while. It is perfectly natural for the new and exciting part of a relationship to come to a halt. Once you know each other quite well it can be easy to fall into patterns.
Instead of putting in the effort to get dressed up and go out, maybe you order in and wear sweats while watching The Office for the 11th time.
Or maybe you do go try new restaurants and go on adventures but you still feel bored? Well, that could be your communication. Maybe now that you know each other to a certain extent you feel like you have nothing to talk about.
Or maybe you feel more like roommates than a couple. All these things happen in relationships. And they are all things you can overcome together.
You can get that spark back. You can learn how to not be boring in a relationship. It’s time to talk about it and go from there.
How to not be boring in a relationship
Not being boring in a relationship is a two person job. You both need to want to make a change. Therefore, learning how to not be boring in a relationship needs to start with a talk.
#1 Bring it up. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. Let them know you love them and are happy but something is missing in your relationship. Ask if they feel the same way. And brainstorm together on what you can do to liven things up.
This needs to be something you both want. If you want to get out and do things together as a couple, and they’re fine sitting around and watching Netflix, then your issue is bigger than boredom.
#2 Brainstorm. Think of what you can do together to be more exciting. This should be a team effort. Even take turns. Maybe you want to go dancing and your partner wants to go hiking. Even plan spontaneous dates or surprise dates so the other person doesn’t know the plan.
#3 Try baby steps. You don’t have to plan a random trip to Spain to break out of your boring rut. Even small things can be enough to reignite that spark.
If you are planners or enjoy a routine, just switch up where you go to dinner at first. Maybe go on a double date. Or try to pick out each other’s outfits for your next date night. Small things can be enough to push you in the right direction.
#4 Think about them. The excitement in a relationship isn’t all about dates and what you do together but also what you do for each other. In a former relationship, my ex and I would write each other notes whenever we went to the other’s place. They were silly but sweet.
Once that died down, everything else sort of crumbled with it. Do those small things again. Buying flowers, picking up their favorite candy bar, or just offering to do the dishes at the end of the night adds effort to the relationship.
#5 Try new things. A lot of people say to get out and go someplace new to encourage new feelings with your partner when you’re bored. I don’t think it can hurt, but going out to eat on the beach versus your favorite local restaurant won’t change much.
Instead, try new experiences. Teach each other something. Learn something new together. These exercises are bonding and help you become closer which is a new level in your relationship instead of mimicking the excitement you had at the start.
#6 Take your own time. A lot of couples think time apart is the kiss of death when it is actually one of the healthiest things you can do as a couple. Have your own friends and your own hobbies. If you love hiking and your partner struggles to get out of bed before noon, go on your own.
Make sure you are fostering your own passions and projects apart from the relationship. And support each other through those things. This reminds you that your partner adds to your life but isn’t your entire life.
When you sit next to each other on your phones, it can feel like time together, but it is just a placeholder for time you could have been productive independently.
#7 Compliment. Compliments go a long way in settled relationships. When you first meet, you may compliment each other a lot but once you’ve told your partner they are handsome or fit so many times, we either forget or think it doesn’t make a difference to hear it.
The thing is, hearing those compliments from someone you’re close to means even more now. Let your partner know you still find them attractive. Compliment their hair, their outfit, or even their smell. This can go a long way.
#8 Make it sexy. Sex isn’t all that matters in a relationship, but it adds a lot of closeness. That intimacy is important to your bond and how you view your relationship. So, if you are trying to learn how to not be boring in a relationship, don’t let your sex life be boring.
Suggest something new and exciting to your partner. Talk about your fantasies. Building that trust in the bedroom with something so personal is sure to spill over into the rest of your relationship.
#9 Have deep talks. Boredom in a relationship can happen once you’re comfortable. You wait months or even years to be with someone you can be yourself with and then once it happens, you get bored.
The thing is you got to that point and stopped. You can always talk more. There is always something to talk about. Forget movies, TV, and work. Have deep conversations about religion, politics, history, and art.
There is always more to learn about each other and having deep conversations you may have never even considered before can remind you that you have so many more levels to connect on.
#10 Check-in. Remember that all of these things you can do to stop being boring in a relationship are temporary. Boredom comes and goes. All relationships go through ruts. But, as long as you continue to check in with each other and put in that effort, you can learn to accept the natural progress while enjoying the excitement.
It isn’t that hard to learn how to not be boring in a relationship as long as you work together to create that magic. Start with these steps and watch the magical spark come back into your love life again in no time.