Love can be tricky, and figuring out how to know if you love someone is less of a science and more of an art. Here’s how to navigate your feelings.
You probably know that love is complicated. And understanding how to know if you love someone is where it all starts. Some people say when you know you know, but that isn’t always the case. You can think you’re in love when you’re not and avoid it when you are.
Figuring out how to know if you love someone doesn’t just hit you. It won’t just turn on one day. Even if you’ve been in love before, it is different every time.
Not just that, but love is different for everyone. You may love someone when you can’t stop thinking about them. But, for someone else, it could be feeling secure enough in the other person that they take lots of time for themselves.
This is what makes it so hard to know if you love someone. There are no set rules for love. It is about how you feel and what it feels like to you.
Do you think you love someone?
My guess is that you didn’t come searching for this article because you’re bored. You are probably questioning this now. Maybe you started seeing someone and feelings are growing. Maybe you think you recognize the feeling of love but aren’t quite sure.
Whatever it is, if you think you love someone, there is a pretty good chance it’s true. And if it’s not, it may be on its way to love.
When you are falling in love, it is a wondrous feeling. It is full of joy and excitement and probably a little fear. That could be where you are right now. You are feeling something new and intense but aren’t quite sure if it’s love. You don’t want to tell someone you love them if you aren’t sure that’s how you’re actually feeling.
Further, you don’t want to make a mistake. But the thing is, love is uncertain and can be temporary. I’ve said ‘I love you’ without meaning it in the past, but at the time I thought I did.
I loved my high school boyfriend, but looking back it was different than the love I feel for my partner now. It was puppy love. It was something new and exciting and driven by teenage hormones.
When I met my next boyfriend I told him I loved him early on. I truly thought I meant it. Looking back, I loved the things he did for me and the way the relationship was, but not him.
I was happy that he treated me kindly and took notice of small things, but I wasn’t actually in love with him. At the time I couldn’t differentiate the two. But, I’ve learned not to regret that. If I hadn’t given into how I thought I was feeling I wouldn’t be where I am now.
So, although I always advise that you proceed with caution, I also think it is important to share how you feel. Even if you’re unsure, sometimes falling into those uncertainties can give you the answer you’re seeking.
How to know if you love someone
I know taking a leap of faith is probably not the advice you came looking for today. You want to know if you love someone. You want to be sure. I get that. So, I did come up with some signs for you to figure out how to know if you love someone. These are not without mistakes. These are not true for everyone either.
Yet, if you are feeling or noticing these things, and wonder if you’re feeling love, there is a good chance you do in fact love someone.
#1 You want to tell them you love them. Once you love someone, it is more certain. You are probably dying to tell this person that you love them. You aren’t questioning telling them, only when to tell them.
When I knew I loved my boyfriend, I was dying to tell him for weeks. I kept chickening out, but every time we were together I was ready to explode.
#2 You treat them with love. You probably hear that you know you’re in love when you can’t stop thinking about them or miss them like crazy. Those things are not always indicators of love but infatuation or even attraction.
When you love someone, you treat them with love. You care about them and respect them. You ask them how their day went because you care. And you offer up your shoulder when they’re feeling down. You actually want to know more about them.
#3 They treat you right. Knowing you love someone isn’t just about how you’re feeling, but it’s about how they treat you. You may think you love someone who is playing games with you because they are occupying your time and thoughts. In fact, love is more likely when you feel impressed or grateful.
Many contestants on shows like The Bachelor fall in love *or think they do* so quickly because they are cut off from the rest of the world and obsess over this person, when in fact they barely know them. You’ll know you love someone when they care about you and show that through their actions.
#4 You accept disagreements. It can be difficult to accept differing opinions, especially in a relationship. But, when you’re in love you can. When you’re dating someone and disagreements seem like the end of the world, that can often mean you are making an excuse because you feel it isn’t right.
When you love someone, you work through these things. You don’t want something to come between you.
#5 You want to share the good and bad times with them. When I thought I was in love, I wanted to be with them when I was happy, but when I was feeling down I didn’t want them to see that. I was embarrassed. When I was actually in love I wanted to be with that person no matter what.
Early on in my relationship with my boyfriend, I got sick at his house. If I didn’t love him I would’ve forced myself to get up and go home so he didn’t have to see me like that. Instead, I felt safe with him. I was able to cry and feel bad with him because it felt right to share that with him.
#6 You worry about their happiness. You want them to be happy and have a job they enjoy. You want them to be happy with you. You ask them questions to truly see if they are happy.
It seems silly, but if they went to the movies and you ask them if they liked the movie because you want to know they had a good time, you might be in love. If you asked them how the movie was because you want to know if you should watch it, you may not be.
#7 You’re less selfish around them. We are all selfish sometimes, and that is totally okay. But, around them, you shut that down a bit more. You’re willing to watch the show they want. You will eat something you’re not in the mood for because they want it.
Even if you hate driving, you will drive further to see them or do something for them. It isn’t about putting them first, but just not always putting yourself first.
#8 You like them. This is important. Love can be overwhelming. It is what makes a lot of couples volatile. You feel the intensity of love and the passion, but you don’t actually like each other. When you hear about couples that have highs and lows, they gave into the love but ignored the like aspect.
If you like your partner, you can be together without fighting or passion. You don’t need those intense situations all the time. You can sit together and talk about anything or not talk and just feel comfortable.
#9 Your friends and family see it. This is a big one. If you have close friends and family, they will pick up on the fact that you love someone. My best friend of over 14 years knew I was in love with my boyfriend before I even did.
She knew it because I didn’t talk about him all the time. She knew because I seemed relaxed and happy. If your friends notice a change in you from past dating experiences or just an ease of confidence, you are likely in love with someone.
#10 You’re not overwhelmed. I find that the overwhelming emotions of dating are not signs of love. They are signs of fear, infatuation, excitement, but not love. Whenever I’ve felt overwhelmed dating someone, it was stressful. I felt like I was thinking about them all the time because I was unsure of how they felt and how I felt.
When I knew I was in love, I felt normal. I was able to focus on work and hobbies. The relationship added to my life instead of taking over.
#11 You know. I hate saying this. It isn’t always true. And the feelings a lot of us think are love aren’t. But, if you talk to people in happy relationships a lot of them do say they just knew. This isn’t always the case, but it can be sometimes.
Figuring out how to know if you love someone isn’t easy, but these are some things that will lead you to the answer.