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16 Nov

How to Fix a One-Sided Relationship Before It Ends in Failure

If you’re the one doing all the running, it’s time for an intervention before the end is nigh. Read on if you wonder how to fix a one-sided relationship.

Are you always the one to text first or who suggests dates and nights out? Do you have the niggling feeling that you’re invested in this relationship more than your partner? If so, my friend, you’re in the midst of a one-sided relationship. You’re probably wondering how to fix a one-sided relationship.

One-sided relationships can be extremely damaging and upsetting for the person who is doing all the giving, while the other is take, take, take. Nobody wants to feel undervalued or not cared for. If that’s what a relationship is meant to feel like, why would anyone actually want to be in one in the first place?

No, relationships are supposed to be equal. Okay, on certain days you might give a little more and your partner might do the same on another day, but that’s just life. When the imbalance seems to be a permanent or ongoing thing, it’s time to sit up and take notice. What happens if you don’t? You’re basically allowing yourself to go down a route towards total unhappiness and being taken for granted. You deserve much better than that.

The good news is that there is sometimes an intervention that can make a difference. Of course, it all depends on whether or not the one not paying much attention is willing to change.

How to tell if your relationship is one-sided

First things first, how can you actually tell whether there really is a distinct imbalance in your relationship? You can’t simply jump to the conclusion that you’re in a one-sided relationship just because last week your partner hasn’t been that attentive. Perhaps, they were stressed at work, or they’ve got something on their mind.

Look at the relationship so far as a whole. Has it always been this way? Were they far more attentive at the start, then once they ‘got you,’ everything changed?

This is such a common situation, and most of us have experienced at some point. The problem is, when you have feelings for someone, it is difficult to simply walk away. In that case, learn how to fix a one-sided relationship and put a plan into action.

Take that course of action if you are experiencing or feel any of the following points on a regular basis.

– You’re always the one doing the planning, e.g. nights out, lunches, weekends away, and they never come up with any suggestions of their own

– You’re always the one texting or calling first

– You haven’t met family or friends yet *bear in mind that this is perfectly normal if you’ve only been dating for a few weeks to a month*

– You feel like your feelings are taken for granted, i.e. they never ask how your day was or show you any concern if you’re feeling down

– You’re always the one asking them if they’re okay, how their day was, if they need anything, etc.

– You just don’t feel appreciated

If you can nod your head to most of those signs *it doesn’t have to be all of them*, then you may very well be in a relationship which is tipping so far to one side, it is in serious danger of falling over altogether.

So, what is the answer? Walk away or try and fix it?

How to fix a one-sided relationship before you call time

Firstly, by giving you this run down on how to fix a one-sided relationship, I am by no means advocating that you accept the relationship as it is. It has to be your decision on whether or not you are happy to try and fix it, and if you really do feel like it’s not worth it, walk away with your head held high.

What I am saying is that it could very well be that your partner simply doesn’t realize how you feel. In this case, perhaps it’s worth one shot? Only you can decide, but I have been in this position myself, and I decided to try and fix it.

The relationship came to a natural end a year afterwards, but it wasn’t to do with this reason. I was glad I had the conversation because it actually improved things for a while.

There are six steps to this process.

#1 Think carefully. The first part is really about identifying how you feel. Think carefully before you make any moves here; are you sure that this hasn’t only been going on for a week or two? Could there be another reason? Are you looking for things that aren’t there? Sometimes, if you’ve been treated badly in a previous relationship, it can be all too easy to place the same label on a new relationship. Think about it and be clear.

#2 Communicate in a clear way. Once you know how you feel, sit down with your partner and communicate how you feel. Keep your emotions out of it if you can, but if they flow outwards don’t worry about it, you’re simply being real. Explain as clearly as you can about how it makes you feel. Avoid pointing the blame, with words like ‘you did this …’; instead say ‘I feel …’. 

#3 Identify if they’re willing to change. From the conversation you’ve just had, you’ll be able to ascertain whether they’re willing to change or not. If they clearly rejected your points, then as upsetting as it may be, it’s best to walk away now. You don’t deserve to be blamed for things you haven’t done, and you certainly don’t deserve to beg for attention. Walk away with your head up.

If they seemed open to change, or they perhaps didn’t even realize they were acting that way and maybe apologized, make it clear what you want and then see how it goes.

#4 Concentrate on one thing only. After you’ve had the conversation, you’re likely to be on high-alert, looking for signs of change or otherwise. You’ll burn yourself out if you do this. Instead, stick to one problem at a time. Are they suggesting dates more often? Once you’ve ascertained change in that department, move onto another area. Are they texting you first on occasion? Don’t overwhelm yourself, or them, with a list of points to address.

#5 Look after number one. Throughout this whole process, after you’ve voiced your concerns, turn your attention onto yourself. Do the things you love, spend time with friends, and go out and enjoy yourself. Spend time out of the relationship as well as in it. This will allow you to regroup and recover from the way you felt before the conversation took place.

It might also make your partner see that you’re not putting all your eggs into one basket, so to speak. Ironically, by focusing on yourself, it’s likely to turn their focus onto you too.

#6 The final question. What do you do if you don’t see much in the way of improvement? How long do you leave it? How long do you stay? These are questions to carefully consider. After that initial conversation and in the weeks afterwards, if you see no change, or perhaps there was a small change and then it went back to the way it was before, decide whether this relationship is really for you or not.

If they don’t place an importance on your feelings, then there is no happy future in your union. Unfortunately, it’s really that simple. You cannot keep having the same conversation over and over again. You will sound like a stuck record and there’s no fun in that.

The bottom line is that knowing how to fix a one-sided relationship cannot be one-sided either. If they can’t see what is in front of them, the only thing you can do is wave your hand goodbye. You owe that to yourself.

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