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12 Feb

How to Feel Better after a Breakup: 15 Steps to Find Your Happiness

You just broke up with your partner and it still hurts. But learning how to feel better after a breakup is possible and there are ways to get there.

I know it doesn’t seem possible right now, but you can learn how to feel better after a breakup with a bit of effort. Breakups suck. Even when you’re the one who does the breaking up, it always stings. Okay, unless you had a nightmare of a partner, then it’s more of a relief.

But since you’re here, that’s probably not the case. If your partner was someone you loved, then ending the relationship is difficult. You shared a part of your life with them and were probably thinking about the future. So, when a breakup happens, a permanent breakup, it’s hard to handle.

When I broke up with my partner of four years, I was thinking, what’s my life going to be like without him? I had a hard time imagining not speaking to him or being with him in a romantic sense.

How to feel better after a breakup

Time has a way of healing you. I know it’s a little cliché to say, but time really does help. Right now, you’re probably not thinking that, and I completely understand. But you should know that it’s going to get better. Not right away—sorry, but I want to be honest with you.

The next couple of weeks, even months, are going to be really hard. There’s no doubt about that. Though you can help yourself through this experience by doing a few things to make the situation better. If you want to move past this breakup and get the most out of it, follow these tips.

Yes, it’s over, but you have a life ahead of you. And it is possible to learn how to feel better after a breakup.

#1 Feel horrible. Yes! Feel sad, feel torn, feel grief. You’re a human being, you’re emotional whether you want to accept it or not. When you’re going through a breakup, you’re basically grieving over the loss of your partner. And that’s perfectly normal, even healthy.

Don’t rush this part. If you’re feeling sad then let yourself go through the emotion. If you suppress it, it’ll pop up in some other area of your life.

#2 Cut them from social media. Ah yes, I know you’re not going to do this, at least not right away. But trust me, you have to. You need to cut the cord, if not, you’ll end up doing what I did and stalk them for weeks on end. It’s not healthy, and it prolongs you from moving on. Whatever social media platform you’re following them on, delete or block them.

#3 Don’t talk to them. So, let’s say you deleted them from social media *please say you did*, but they can still contact you. And though it may be tempting, refrain from speaking to them. If they start calling or writing to you, unless you want them back, tell them to stop contacting you. I know you think maybe you can be friends, but you can’t, not right now.

#4 Make your life ex-free. You know the saying, out of sight, out of mind. Well, it’s a cliché, but it’s true. Whatever you have floating around your bedroom from your ex, put it away. No, you don’t need to burn everything in a tribal fire. Just put it away. Then, later on, you’ll be able to look at those things with a different perspective.

#5 Don’t stay friends. You may suggest staying friends but don’t. If you’ve made it this far by deleting and refraining from speaking to them, then don’t play the friend card. You can’t be friends right now. You need at least a couple of months away from them to fully grieve and move on. If you try to be friends with them, it’ll only prolong the process.

#6 Watch what you say about your ex. I’m not going to say you can’t talk shit about your ex, because you can, and you probably will. It’s going to feel good to let everything out, but at some point, you’ll need to stop. Why? Because not only does it prevent you from moving on, it’s also annoying for other people to listen to.

#7 Go out with friends. I cannot stress this enough if you want to know how to feel better after a breakup. After a breakup, surround yourself with your people. Spend time going out with your closest friends. No, you don’t need to hit the club every night, but spend time with your support group. Go to the movies, shopping, out for a run, whatever. 

#8 Cry when you want to. If you’re feeling a sudden surge of sadness, it’s okay to cry. There will be days where everything feels amazing, and you’re doing great. Then there will be days where you’re feeling lonely and upset about the decision you made. The emotions you’ll feel after a breakup will be like riding a rollercoaster. It’ll go up and down until you start to feel normal again. Don’t suppress these feelings, instead, ride with them.

#9 No drunk texts. If you’re planning on drinking this weekend, make sure you keep your phone far away from you. Give your friends your phone or use a special anti-drunk texting app.

Because what happens when you drink, and you’re going through a breakup? You text your ex. If you want your post-breakup period to be a smooth transition, don’t send drunk texts.

#10 Stay away from where they hang out. You may get a call from their friend inviting you to a party. Don’t go. I made this mistake once, I ended up completely drunk, puking out of a window while crying. It’s not a good look, trust me. You’re going to really suffer if you go to any event where you know they’ll be.

#11 Eat right and exercise. I know this sounds like a drag, but if you want to know how to feel better after a breakup, nourish your body and soul. Yes, you can cheat here and there, but you need to feed your body with the right things. It’ll make you feel good and keep you healthy.

It’s easy to gain and lose weight when going through a breakup because your body is under tremendous stress.

#12 Write everything down. When your friends can’t stand listening to another word you have to say about your ex, write it down. Get everything out on paper. How they made you feel, what you did, etc. Then a couple of days later, take a look at what you wrote. It’ll make it easier to look at the breakup from a different perspective.

#13 Try new things. If you wanted to take salsa classes, but your partner never wanted to go with you, well, now is your chance to do something you always wanted to do. Start new things and meet new people. The only way to make yourself feel better is if you start doing things for you, and not for your ex.

#14 Don’t blame yourself. Listen, you probably made mistakes in the relationship, but so did your partner. You’re not the only one in a relationship; it takes two. So, be easy on yourself during this period. Blaming yourself will only keep you thinking about the breakup. It’s time to accept what happened and move on.

#15 Take new relationships nice and easy. If you’re starting to date again, take things nice and slow. You want the next relationship you enter to be one full of respect, happiness, and love. This isn’t going to be something you get overnight. Many of us jump from relationship to relationship because we’re scared to be alone. You won’t be alone. Take some time to heal.

Breaking up with someone is hard but getting over a breakup can be even harder. If you follow these steps for how to feel better after a breakup, you’ll be on the road to being a wiser and better person.

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