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22 Oct

How to DM a Girl: 15 Things to Avoid to DM Right & Slide Right In

Knowing how to DM a girl is tricky, but no more than any communication in the new age of social media. Direct messaging is where it is at, so do it right!

What is DM? Direct message, of course. If you’re wondering how to DM a girl, it isn’t as complex as it seems. It used to be that you needed some connection to a girl to get her to go out with you. But nowadays, if you have a computer or smartphone, you can reach out to anyone from anywhere and kindle a relationship.

If you want to know how to DM a girl right, then you should say something sincere without coming across as clingy. Be charming enough to get her to take you seriously.

As a woman, I know when I get a message from a guy, the first thing I do is analyze what they are after, who they are, and whether I am even interested in pursuing any further communication with them.

Much like online dating, the first communication you have with a girl can be the maker or the breaker. If you don’t say the right thing right out the gate, then you could find yourself out of the running. That is why taking steps to do it right is so critical.

How to DM a girl – 15 don’ts you just can’t ignore

Whether it is LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, or Snapchat, your message should be targeted and not pushy. Girls are constantly inundated with friendship requests from guys they don’t know. If you don’t want to get the same second glance, then put some effort into making her look twice.

Some things turn her on to you and other things get you turned off or blocked. Knowing the difference between the two is the key to not blowing your one and only shot.

#1 Don’t be creepy. Don’t say anything that is within the realm of creepy. Things that qualify as creepy are things that make her uncomfortable like commenting on something about her sexual appearance or saying something that indicates that maybe you have a screw loose. If you have been lusting after her, it is best not to let that cat out of the bag.

Keep it light and don’t say anything that scares her off or makes her feel like she has to block you for her own protection.

#2 Don’t sound like a stalker. Don’t say things about what you already know about her. The key to DMing a girl is to make it sound matter of fact, not like you know everything about her. That just screams stalker.

No matter what you know, pretend you know nothing and just saw her and thought you would say “hi.” Things, like talking about seeing her at work, or seeing her more than in passing, gives her the impression that you follow her, and she doesn’t even know you. That makes a girl uneasy! 

#3 Don’t be too eager. A girl likes a guy who finds her attractive, but she also likes a little bit of a mystery and a challenge too. If you want her to want to get to know you, then you can’t be too eager and make it sound like you are desperate.

Keep it surface like saying “Hey, what do you think about meeting out?” is a better alternative than “I really, really want to meet you out… please.” [Bustle.com: The 23 types of messages every woman gets from men]

#4 Don’t be sexual up front. It is okay to totally want to get in her pants, we know that you do, but keep it to yourself at first. You make girls uneasy when you start talking about sexual things too early.

It isn’t that we don’t want you to aDMire our assets, we just don’t want you to talk about them as an introduction to us. If you like the shape of her ass, keep that to your internal voice and say something nonsexual to begin.

#5 Don’t be too serious. When you DM a girl, keep it funny and witty. No girl wants to be hit with something super serious. That means you should think of something unique and funny instead of something serious and grave.

A fine line to walk, you don’t want to make it cheesy and pick up liney, rather just something smart and witty to make her smile a little and want to respond to you.

#6 Don’t put it all out there. A girl doesn’t want to read an entire paragraph from a guy who is interested. She wants a one liner that she reads quickly and responds to. If you give too many details or too much information, then she thinks you are too much work and might not want to put that much effort into someone she doesn’t know.

If you like her a lot, then don’t say it in a thousand-word essay. Say something short, sweet, and direct.

#7 Don’t leave it so that she isn’t compelled to answer. If you leave her a message that isn’t in the form of a question or something that she wants to retort back to, then you aren’t giving her incentive to answer.

That could leave without a reply because she doesn’t know how to answer you or doesn’t know that you are looking for one. When you DM a girl, make sure it is something that requires her to answer if she is interested. That might mean asking her a question or saying something thought-provoking that interests her into putting in her two cents.

#8 Don’t reach out more than once unless she answers back. Just like in texting, calling, or any other form of communication, if she doesn’t answer you, then don’t wrongly assume that she just didn’t get it.

Once you send the DM, sit back and wait for her to answer. If she doesn’t answer, then it won’t make her more interested if you continue to reach out. It only leaves her with a creepy feel, and you are bound to get blocked.

#9 Don’t play games. If you DM a girl and she answers you straight away don’t be a dick and wait to answer her back. If you are lucky enough to get her to answer your message promptly, then you should be courteous enough to return the favor.

There is nothing attractive about a guy who sends you a message then starts playing games right off the bat. It feels like a slap in the face. And, it doesn’t make us want to take the relationship or communication any further.

#10 Don’t be random, wait for your chance. When you are DMing a girl, then you want to wait for your chance. If you watch her feed, then look for a picture that you can comment on or something that she posts that you can compliment her on.

Time is of the essence when you want to break the ice through instant messaging a girl.

#11 Don’t just DM at will, wait for your moment. If you want to know how to DM a girl right, try to pick a time of day where you notice she has been available. If you DM her when you know she is there, you have a greater likelihood of getting her to answer you back instead of letting it slide and thinking she’ll do it later. That gives a greater probability that she forgets it, and you, altogether.

#12 Don’t be found out when you are researching or watching her social media. If you want to DM a girl, do your research, but only when you are in hidden mode.

If she sees some weirdo constantly looking at her profile or her feed, you give yourself away. No matter what you say or DM, she knows that you have been following her and that is no bueno.

#13 Don’t be political, religious, or send any other conflict-provoking messages. Keep it non-political, religious, or any other subjects of conversation that turns her off right off the bat.

#14 Don’t be insecure. When you send a DM, make sure you show your confident *not your cocky* side. It is okay to let her know that you think she’s hot, but make sure that she knows you are pretty wanted too.

A trickier thing, don’t be a dick or conceited, but self-deprecation is not attractive right up front.

#15 Don’t give her your resume. The biggest tip when it comes to knowing how to DM a girl, keep it short. She doesn’t want a list of your accomplishments. You aren’t interviewing for a job. You just try to convince a girl to think you are worth communicating with or potentially even getting to know.

There is no magic thing you say to make a girl like you, but there are some things that you can say to ensure that she won’t ever give you a chance, not even if you were the last social media user on earth.

Follow these don’ts if you want to know how to DM a girl right, and make her want to get off of the computer, and onto you.

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