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17 Jul

How to Ask for a Second Date and Not Fumble or Appear Too Eager

Congratulations! You had a first date that wasn’t a nightmare, but now you need to know how to ask for a second date. Just follow these steps!

Good news! Now that you’re done with date one, you need to know that figuring out how to ask for a second date is usually much easier than asking for a first date. You should be able to gauge the other person’s vibe after spending some time together.

If you feel like the date went well, you have a good chance of a yes when you ask for a second date.

With fewer nerves and a bit more confidence, figuring out how to ask for a second date is less about fear and more about how to go about it.

Should you ask for a second date?

Don’t worry about asking for a second date until date #1 is over. You might think you like this person enough before the first date even starts but try to focus on the date that is happening now, not what’s potentially to come.

Your first date will be better and more relaxed if you aren’t worried about the next date. ??And who knows? By the end of the first date, you may not want the second date after all. Before considering how you’ll ask for a second date, decide if you really want to see this person again.

Just because a date was fine and there were no red flags doesn’t mean you owe them a second date or need to give it a chance. If you aren’t feeling it, you don’t need to ask for another date just to be polite.

Asking for a second date and then taking it back is much more awkward than simply not asking for one. ??So, before you try to artfully word the perfect second date ask out, decide if you really want a second date. Even if you’re unsure, you don’t need to rush it. ??You can end a date with “I’ll call you or text you…” and go from there. You don’t need to have an official second date ask out at the end of a first date if you want to think about it for a bit longer.

There is no need to overthink asking someone out for a second date. Even if you do want a second date, it is a lot easier than you might think.

How to ask for a second date?

Asking for a second date isn’t just about the question itself. When figuring out how to ask for a second date, it starts with the first date and goes from there.

You don’t just want to ask for a second date, you hope for an actual second date. So, you’ll want to do the best you can to ensure that.

#1 Be confident. One of the best ways to ensure a second date is by having a great first date. Go in with confidence and no expectations. Of course, you hope it goes well, but stay open to any outcome.

Your main goal for a first date should be to have a good time and see what happens. Worrying too much about how you seem or look or your word choice can look like you’re unsure about yourself and your date.

#2 Be positive. Yes, we all have bitterness about something. Whether it be student loans, healthcare, or the environment, try not to let your love to hate take over your first date. It can feel good to trash talk the president, your boss, or your ex but it only comes off as negative to a first date.

Even if the date is going well, if you focus on negative topics right off the bat, it could sour your date’s feelings and lead them to turn down your offer for a second date.

#3 Be realistic. Don’t assume they want a second date or that you do. Don’t assume that just because the date is going well for you, that they definitely want to see you again. Remain realistic in your intentions.

Also, be sure, to tell the truth. There is nothing more annoying on a first date than your date emphasizing their life. If you have a roommate or live at home, be upfront. If you are in between jobs, don’t call yourself an entrepreneur.

Not only can most people smell a lie from a mile away, but lying even a little about yourself will not help you win a second date.

#4 Meet in the middle. A first date comes with a lot of nerves. It can be difficult to put yourself out there and if you’re feeling that, your date probably is too. Try to meet halfway.

If you live far from each other, offer to meet in between or even come to them if they don’t like driving. If they don’t feel comfortable meeting at a bar, offer a coffee shop or a walk in the park or even a mall. You want them to be comfortable and they will appreciate your compromise.

#5 Listen. Being too overwhelmed with nerves or how to ask them out for a second date can pull your attention away from the first date. Don’t let your mind get preoccupied with what you’re saying, focus on listening.

Truly listen to what they have to say. This will help you figure out if you really feel a connection and if so, it can guide you into the second date.

If you are too focused on worrying, you could miss your date sharing how they’re sober or that they hate roller coasters and end up mistakenly asking them for a second date to a club or amusement park.

#6 Mention second date ideas. During the date, tiptoe around the idea of seeing each other again and see how they react. You don’t need to straight-up ask them out, but by mentioning potential ideas you can probably figure out if they are into it or not.

For example, mention this new restaurant you’ve been dying to try or an arcade opening next week. If they seem into it, then asking them for a second date should be easy as pie.

#7 Be clear with your wording. I have had enough first dates end with “we should do this again sometime…” for a lifetime. This open-ended goodbye is infuriatingly subtle and mysterious. It has lead to second dates, ghostings, and more.

Instead of leaving things so open-ended, if you want a second date, make it clear. You can do it via text if you really want but in-person is always best. Let them know you had a great time and want to know if they want to see you again.

Don’t just tell them you’d like to see them again, but make it clear you are asking them as well. This will clear up any potential misunderstandings.

#8 Set a date. Try not to take too long to set a solid plan for a second date. Leaving it up in the air can lead to canceled plans because it seems like neither person is taking the initiative.

If you want to know how to ask for a second date, the best way is to actually plan a date. If you don’t know your schedule, make it clear you will text them when you get home to set the date.

Pick a place, time and day and see if it works for them within 24 hours of asking them out, so it is clear that you are excited about it.

Learning how to ask for a second date isn’t that hard as long as you nail the first date and make your intentions clear. But if you’re still nervous, just use these tips and you’ll see that confirming a second date is a breeze.

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