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7 Aug

Having an affair – 7 things to keep in mind

If you are looking for ways to start an illicit affair, you do not need any sermons or warnings from us. You are most probably aware of the dangers of illicit affairs. So, cutting the crap, let’s get on with it.

1. Avoid e-mails altogether

If you are going to have an affair outside of your marriage, avoid engaging your lover on the mail. Given how smart you are, you may think of sends mails from an anonymous accounts or saving them in a random folder to keep your relationship a secret. But, email is never as private as you think. History has been witness to the numerous scandals that broke out between celebrities and politicians because of leaked emails. If they are not safe, will you?

Another important tip: Never share your passwords with your partners, especially if they are one of those jealous ones.

2. Communicate on the phone, but surreptitiously

This is a given. Having an affair, mean you aren’t going to resist sharing prurient Whatsapps and raunchy Snapchats with your lover, but the chances of your partner getting his/her hands on your phone are quite real. You can still communicate via the phone without getting caught.

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Try securing a rogue pay-as-you-go phone. If you want a backup system, get yourself another android phone and download the Secret SMS replicator, an invisible application that forwards all text messages to another phone – a rogue one if you’re smart. Well, obviously you have to be.

3. Develop a new strategy, and follow it religiously

If you’re going to have a clandestine relationship, the least you can do is to do it like a pro. Maintain a list of excuses and make sure to cycle through them randomly. Using the most common excuse of “Working Late”, the chances are, your spouse might contact someone at the office if he/she gets too suspicious. No body stays back at the office up till 1:00 am regularly.

Similarly, using the “Doctor’s Appointment” card too often to leave office during the day can prove to be counterproductive. A skeptical boss might ask for a note, a bill, or a simple explanation, in which case you might be tempted to feign a chronic illness and get tongue-tied in your own elaborate lies. Pay attention to detail and make rules for yourself. (Rule 1: Always shower after seeing your lover.)

4. Develop a hobby

This is one of the best tips that I can give. Be smart about the time you spend with your mistress, as though you have taken on a new hobby or a part-time job. The hobby can be a good excuse for you to leave the office at a particular time every day. But make sure the hobby is something that nobody else in your friends or relatives or even the work circle practices. Also, make sure you have something to show for it. For example, if you decide to take up karate, make sure that you can show a couple of cool moves in your back pocket so that you don’t like a deer in the highlights when you are hit with it.

5. Hone your poker face

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If you are going to cheat and not get caught while at it, it has to be like a second nature for you. It has to come out naturally to fool your spouse. Ensure that you love your spouse and spend enough time for them too. If she feels that you are spending all your time in “Karate”, your time is numbered. Get used to acting like you’re into it.

6. Never use cards. Always pay by cash

Cover your tracks well. Whenever it comes to paying for your lover, never ever use your cards for payment. Whether it’s a hotel room, a fancy dinner or even a sex toy, always pay cash. This is the best way to pay cash and ensure that your illicit activities do not show up on your card statement, which might end up with your spouse or a motor mouth accountant.

7. Never ever screw around with someone from work

If the head of CIA couldn’t get away with it, chances are you won’t either. Having an affair with someone you work is the most stupid thing you could do. For starters, your colleagues will most likely know you are married, so they might end up ratting out on you if things get bitter between you and them. An office affair also has the chances to make your office affairs more likely to backfire.

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