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5 Dec

Am I Lesbian or Bisexual? How to Understand Your True Desires

So, you kissed a girl and liked it, what now? Is the question, “Am I lesbian or bisexual?” swirling in your mind? For starters, that’s perfectly normal.

We’ve all had those drunk nights where you experimented with the same sex and ended up waking up the next morning thinking about who we are and what we like. However, there’s no reason to get a headache over it if you question yourself – am I lesbian or bisexual?

Understanding your sexual preferences

The truth is, this is easier said than done. So, if you’re really pulling your hair out, trying to figure out what you’re sexually into, then here are some helpful ways to figure out your sexual preferences.

#1 Identify your sexual preferences. Okay, so it’s time to sit down and really think about what you’re into. It’s normal to experiment with the same gender. However, if you’re frequently thinking about women, that obviously indicates you’re attracted to them. So, first, think about what who you’re into.

#2 Accept that your sexual preferences exist. I know, it may be hard for you to accept you’re into women even on a bisexual level. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable and scared about the idea of being bisexual or lesbian.

But right now, just start with being honest with yourself. The first step is acknowledging you like women. Now, that doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian, it just means on some sexual level you’re attracted to them.

#3 Understand the terminology. What does it mean to be bisexual? Lesbian? We probably all have different conceptions of these words, but it’s important to understand their meanings so you can identify yourself.

Being bisexual means you’re attracted to more than one sex. You’re attracted to both, men and women. Lesbians, on the other hand, are sexually and emotionally attracted to women.

#4 Does the opposite sex attract you? When you sit down and think about it, are you attracted to men? Okay, I don’t mean that you can appreciate a good-looking man, I mean, are you sexually attracted to them? When you see a hot guy walking down the street, do your panties get a little wet? Or do you not even notice men who walk by you on the street?

If you look at men and do not become sexually aroused, then you’re probably not into them. If this is the case, you’re more likely a lesbian. However, sexuality is fluid and a spectrum, there’s no black and white. So, it’s possible you could also be attracted to men at some point. Quite complex, eh?

#5 How often do you think about women? Now, sure, you could have had a sexual encounter with a woman, and enjoyed it but you don’t crave it. If you find yourself constantly thinking about women and becoming turned on when you see an attractive one, you may be a lesbian.

Bisexual women are attracted to both men and women, and though they find women attractive, they also switch their attention to men as well.

#6 You masturbate to only women. If you masturbate only to the thought of women, you may be a lesbian. As a bisexual, you can masturbate to the thought of women too, however, you’re more likely to also masturbate to the thought of men as well. If all your porn is lesbian porn, enough said.

#7 Experiment with your sexuality. If you’re unsure of what you are, there’s nothing wrong with trying it out. Try dating a girl and see how you like it. Do you find yourself sexually attracted to men while you’re with her? Or are you finding yourself solely into females? You’ll soon start to see what you’re into over time.

#8 Take a test. I know online quizzes are kinda lame, but there are some that really help you decide if you’re struggling with this. These sexual orientation tests possibly reveal more about your sexuality than you thought.

Try out the Kinsey Scale test or the Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory (ESOI) test. Both of these tests will not label your sexuality but rather, show where you fall on the sexual orientation spectrum.

#9 You don’t find men attractive. Are you turned off by men? Find them sexually unappealing? Well, that may show you’re a lesbian. Bisexual women are attracted to both men and women. However, lesbians do not find men sexually attractive and avoid any sexual contact with them.

#10 Every day is different. Some days you want to be with a man, and then other days you’re more interested in women. If that’s the case, you’re most likely bisexual. Lesbians are more concrete in their attraction to women. However, if you’re switching back and forth, then you’re attracted to both genders.

#11 Don’t get suckered into the labels. Everyone wants to label others. It makes us feel more comfortable with ourselves. We need to know what you’re exactly into—people don’t like blurred lines. Sorry, Robin Thicke. But you don’t have to identify yourself as anything if you don’t want to. Maybe you just don’t know right now, so take your time in finding out. There’s no rush.

Finding out who you are is half the fun. Go out and experiment with the same and opposite gender. See what you’re sexually stimulated by and then take it from there.

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