Courting is something people did a hundred years ago. What is courting, you ask? Did they know something we didn’t? Perhaps they had it right!
Is anyone else fascinated by reality shows about Amish people or arranged marriages? Things have become so laissez faire in the dating world. There is no such thing as “courting” anymore. Really, what is courting, does anyone even know that anymore? In fact, no self-respecting dating woman would ever tell someone she was courting, nor would any guy admit to it be it he was 22 or 70.
Alright, what is courting then?
Courting is an old art of dating that consisted of couples not going on “dates” but looking for a mate for life. It wasn’t something like Tinder where you put the “feelers” out to try to find someone. It was a way of dating someone that meant your sole purpose was to “court” someone to marry. Marrying used to be the sole goal of meeting people from the opposite sex, not sex.
What is courting – 12 reasons you benefit from courting instead of dating
So, what does that mean for us today? Is courting out of date for our culture or should we bring it back? These 12 benefits outline why courting is better for you than dating!
#1 You won’t waste your time with the wrong person. When looking at dating as a means to find the right person to go through life with, you won’t waste your time with someone who isn’t right. A great way to weed through people, it is okay to instantly be with someone and say “this isn’t right.”
#2 You won’t look past things. Often when dating, we treat it like cigarettes. Even if we have a bad experience the first time, we think if we keep giving it a second chance, it will get better. Instead, we find ourselves settling for things we know are probably not okay. The more you give a relationship a chance, the greater likelihood there is you end up with someone who isn’t your dream date.
#3 You are pickier. When you look at a date as an interview for your mate for life, you are a lot pickier about who you will go out with. A different attitude than you must kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. If you don’t feel it right off the bat, you don’t try to make it fit.
#4 You won’t miss the right one because you are with the wrong. Think about all the opportunities you miss when you are with someone. If you are out on a date with the wrong person, you waste an entire night where the right person may be right there in front of your eyes. But you can’t see them because you are blinded by the person who isn’t right for you.
If you go into dating with a traditional courting notion, then you won’t miss out on the right person because you are with the wrong one.
#5 Saves you a lot of heartaches. Instead of having to break up with about ten people whether it is at your hands or theirs, when you look at dating in a courting manner, you don’t have the same heartache. If it doesn’t work, you know it is okay because they simply weren’t the ones you were supposed to live life with.
#6 You listen to that inner voice. When we date, we make excuses for those things that tell us things aren’t right. The problem is, that little voice is supposed to point us in the right direction.
When you date, it is possible to wake up one day and be so far in without really thinking it through that you are simply going through the motions. When you keep in mind that every person you go out with you are doing so to form a life with them, that inner voice is much harder to shut out.
#7 You aren’t going to give it up. When you court someone, you want them to have respect for you and to think of you as their potential mate for life. That holds you to a higher standard than if you are just dating.
After all, if you just date, who cares if you sleep with them on the first one, right? You lose nothing if it doesn’t work out. If, however, you look at your time together as a means to a forever union, then you are less likely to make rash and impulsive moves like casual sex that could ruin your chances at a lasting and meaningful relationship.
#8 You have a plan. There is nothing worse than waking up in a relationship where you moved in together and living as if you are married for years, but nothing official happened. An ultimatum is not only a tough thing to make, it often doesn’t work in your favor.
If things progressed naturally without a real “plan” in action, or you make your wishes known like I want a baby by 30, or I won’t live with someone unless I have a ring on my finger, you can find yourself in a relationship that is going nowhere. By then you may have passed your prime, and you have no choice but to move along and start over.
#9 There are expectations up front. The problem most relationships have is there are no expectations about how things are supposed to go or what each responsibility is. If you aren’t honest with someone about the level of commitment you want in a relationship you compromise your own needs and wants.
When you begin a relationship with a courting attitude, then everyone knows what the expectations are. You aren’t just winging it hoping to get what you want, or waiting around for someone else to decide when things are right or what your fate is.
#10 You don’t do things to resentment. When you court someone, everything you do counts. It isn’t as if you can treat someone as if they are temporary until you decide they are someone you want to be with.
You are also less likely to do stupid things that will come back to bite you. When courting, you aren’t playing the field hoping one player stands out, you know who your star player is. You always treat them with the respect they deserve, so no resentment or hurt feelings build when you are ready to make a commitment.
#11 You deserve it. Why shouldn’t you look at every date as the potential to get married? After all, the species survived because we are supposed to find mates to pair up with, protect each other, and help get through this life.
Courting is a way of treating yourself as if you are good enough to be someone’s number one up front. You aren’t their booty call, or their okay today date. You are the person they think is special enough to consider being with forever. Don’t you deserve that?
#12 Economics. For the practicality, courting is a way to not bankrupt yourself emotionally and economically. When you date, there is the potential you put out a whole lot of time and money on someone who is only going to be in your life for a short while.
The best way to go about finding a mate is to make sure you invest your time and your money wisely. The worst thing is watching someone walk away with all the jewelry you bought them, all the while knowing they weren’t the right one.
When you make it known you are looking for a long-term mate up front, you are less likely to be taken advantage of all the way around.
Courting means you go into every relationship as a potential mate for life. Not wasting your time on casual sex, or dating someone for a while to see what you think.
It involves being discriminatory, honest with yourself, honest with each other and having more commitment when you are with someone. An old practice, but perhaps they knew something back then that we didn’t.
It is okay to want to get married and to look for someone to spend the rest of your life with. Although not acceptable to voice for fear of scaring someone off, if they were meant to be with you, your honesty won’t scare them off, but create a higher level of respect for your courtship.