One of the most frustrating things about a new relationship is answering the “What are we” question. Here’s the sneaky way to find out!
Oh boy. When it comes to labeling the relationship, it can send both parties involved into a spiral of emotions that can induce some crazy behavior by either person. I know what it’s like to be seeing someone for a couple of months without knowing the answer to the dreaded question: what are we?
But I couldn’t just blurt out, “What are we?” could I? No. Because those three little words have the power to send a person running for the hills with no intention of ever turning around to see you again. This is largely in part due to commitment issues.
What are we? – The commitment issues decoded
Committing to someone is a big deal. You’re basically proclaiming that you will dedicate a certain amount of time, energy, and effort to them for as long as the relationship will last. And for some people, that’s just terrifying.
Commitment issues can be caused by all kinds of things. Mostly, it’s because someone has never seen a successful relationship. For others, it can be because of a personal relationship they’ve had that just hasn’t worked out. Either that, or they just like being with a lot of people at once.
How to get them to label the relationship
In order to get someone to commit and finally label the relationship, you have to be very sneaky about it. If they know what you’re trying to do, they may get scared off. In that case, you definitely won’t have a label, because you won’t have a relationship.
Luckily for you, I have a lot of experience when it comes to this and have helped out many of my friends with this same problem. Here’s how to get your crush to label the relationship without flat out asking, “What are we?”
#1 Give it enough time. You can’t just ask someone after the first date if the two of you are boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s just unreasonable. You have to wait long enough that you have had a substantial amount of time to get to know each other first.
Spend some time getting to know as much about them as you can before even deciding for yourself if you want to be with them officially. Going out on dates, spending the night, and asking them deep questions will help.
#2 Make them LOVE you. The best way to get someone to label your relationship is to make them never want to let you go. How do you do this? Well, simply put, be the best significant other that they’ve ever had and make them fall in love with you.
Of course, only do this if you care for them and want them to be around for a long time. All you have to do is be understanding, have a sense of humor, and surprise them with nice gestures or date nights every once in a while. They’ll be putting a lock on that relationship in no time.
#3 Don’t pressure them. The worst thing you can do in this situation is to put too much pressure on figuring out a label. It will probably just freak them out and make them a little hesitant to keep going if they feel you’re moving too fast.
Unless they bring it up, don’t even talk about a label. Just be happy with your present relationship, and you’ll be surprised at how fast they’ll want to label it. When people aren’t pressured to do something, they actually want to do it a lot more.
#4 Hint that you are exclusive. Make sure that your significant other knows that you’re not dating around and seeing anyone else. Don’t outwardly say that you’re exclusive, but mention that you’ve turned down dates because you already have someone who makes you happy.
When someone knows that you’re already committed to them, it eases their insecurities. This could make them much more likely to follow suit by committing to you and labeling the relationship.
#5 Introduce them by using only their own. This can be kind of confusing, but since you don’t actually have a label yet, just introduce them to people by their name and nothing else. Don’t even add that they’re your “friend.”
Not only will this get their attention, but it’ll probably point out the awkwardness of not having an answer for the “what are we” question. This may give them the push they need to start introducing you as something, and “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is almost the only way to do so.
#6 Make them introduce you to people. When you two go out together, make sure they introduce you to the people they know. Pay close attention to how they’re doing this, too. Do they introduce you as their boyfriend or girlfriend, just their friend, or only by your name?
This puts a little pressure on them *although not by you* because they’re on the spot for figuring out what to introduce you as. And it might also cause their friends or family to ask them who you are, and thus, they’ll label the relationship.
#7 Spend time with other people. I’m not saying to date other people and make them jealous. However, seeing you with others may trigger a sense of protectiveness that will make them want to claim you as their own. The only way to do this is to give you a label.
Be careful, though, that this doesn’t backfire. If you’re being too flirty with other people and making it look like you’re dating others, your crush might get mad and forget about pursuing the relationship altogether. Make sure it’s just enough to give them the push they need.
#8 Be committed to them. Commit yourself to them! Be their boyfriend or girlfriend without actually calling them that. Not having a label doesn’t have anything to do with how you act or the way you treat them.
Once they realize that you’re committed and in it for the long haul, they’ll have a lot less reservations about calling you theirs for real.
#9 Invite them to future events. This is a great way to get someone to commit and label the relationship. Just start inviting them to different events that you have coming up.
If they’re accepting invitations to things that are months away, then they’re pretty much already committed to being with you long-term. The actual label is sure to follow shortly.
#10 Be patient. Everyone moves at different paces. I once dated a guy for two months before I asked him if we were official, but he just wasn’t ready. Even after three months, he couldn’t commit. Ultimately, it didn’t work out.
However, my current boyfriend and I were only dating for a couple of weeks before he asked me to be his girlfriend. Granted, we were friends for years prior to this, but still. The point is that you have to be patient. If they’re worth waiting for, then give them some time.
Getting someone to label the relationship without actually asking them, “What are we?” can be very difficult. But if you don’t want to scare them away, this is the perfect way to get them to label the relationship.