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4 Jan

Want to Fall in Love? Change these 8 Self-Sabotaging Habits

As Dr. Phil would say, “How’s that working for you?” If you want to fall in love but haven’t yet, you might be looking in the wrong places.

Whether you lost a relationship or have never had a real one, when you want to fall in love, it is a difficult thing. It is like looking for a drink of water when the faucet isn’t working or needing a light in the dark. The problem is that love is on its own time schedule.

Not only does love come along when you least expect it, but there is also nothing you can do to hasten it… or is there? The mistake that most of us make is to look for love in places that simply don’t make sense. Self-sabotaging ourselves, we go looking for someone to love in impossible scenarios.

Mistakes to avoid if you want to fall in love

If you want to fall in love, then you need to have a couple of things. You have to be open to being vulnerable, look in the right places, and not be too picky.

Sometimes being too selective or looking too hard can lead to missing out on Mr. or Ms. Right. The things we think we want may not be the ones we actually do. Because if they were, you might have already found love by now.

#1 Quit the singles’ bar scene. Sure, singles’ bars are full of what? Singles. The problem is that the harder you look for love, the harder it will likely elude you. Being in a singles’ bar is like putting yourself on the shelves of a grocery aisle.

It isn’t enjoyable, and you are constantly looking either to beat out the competition or score a number 10. There is very little honesty going on in a singles’ bar, and if there is one thing that love is based around, it is honesty. If you want to fall in love, then think twice about these places. 

#2 Start doing the things you love. Instead of going online to an online dating site, try doing the things that you enjoy. Hopefully, you will find love unexpectedly. If you love to hike or canoe, then take a trip with a group. If you meet someone while doing what you love, then you will have something in common right from the start.

When you look for people to love that you have nothing in common with besides physical attraction, it doesn’t make for a very long and peaceful relationship without a whole lot of work.

#3 Don’t be so picky. If you are saying no to about 90% of the prospects out there, then you may be missing out on the diamond in the rough. Sure, there has to be some attraction, but holding out for your fairy tale Prince Charming may have you passing on a lot of people who could be just perfect for you.

We all have visions of our eyes meeting across the room and instantly knowing, just knowing, that we were meant for someone. That isn’t reality. If you want to find someone to love, stop looking for your soul mate and start looking for someone you’re compatible with.

If nothing else, you will make a whole lot of friends. Keeping your mind open is the only way to find love.

#4 Go for someone who isn’t your type. We all have a specific “type.” These are the people who make our hearts go pitter-patter and make us tongue-tied, but the problem is that it isn’t working for you. If your type was really what was good for you, and the person you really want in your life, then you probably would’ve already come closer to finding them.

Opposites may attract, but they rarely stay together or have a long-lasting relationship. Instead of seeking out the type of girl or guy that you normally go out with, try going for someone who is a little less characteristic. Your type may just not be very good for you.

#5 Let people set you up. I know, right? Ugh! What is worse than being set up on a date, or even more horrible… a blind one? If you are tired of people asking to set you up, don’t be. People have a greater likelihood of falling in love with someone who they have a lot in common with, are from similar backgrounds, and have similar ideologies.

If your friend thinks that someone may be perfect for you, stop thinking of it like it is a pity date. In the olden days, people used to get paid to find matches. In fact, they still do. So let your friends do it for free.

The ones who know you best are most likely going to choose someone who may be just perfect for you. Stop letting pride get in your way. If you want to fall in love, increase your chances by letting your friends introduce you to someone who may be the “one.”

#6 Go alone to places that aren’t comfortable. If you want to find someone to love, you aren’t going to have much luck if you and a friend go to dinner alone. Busting in on girl time is something that may be intimidating for someone from the opposite sex.

When you go places alone, you leave open the possibility of someone asking “Is this seat taken?” If it is always taken, then there is never any place for love to sit down and start a conversation with you.

#7 Go back to school. If you have always wanted to go back to school, not only will you better yourself by taking a couple of courses, you may just run into someone who has similar interests and goals. Finding someone in your line of work, and who gets your industry, is hard when you have a “no dating at work” rule.

Hanging out with people who are trying to switch paths or to excel in their field is a great way to strike up a conversation. It may not be as fun as “can I buy you a drink?” But then again, you will remember everything you talked about the night before and be building something more than a regretful hookup.

#8 Save yourself. Instead of sleeping with someone early on in a relationship, make a commitment to hold out longer. Sometimes we feel like a relationship is ready to go to the next level when it isn’t, and sex can complicate things.

If you put a little more time into getting to know someone before you have sex with them, then sex won’t make things weird or awkward. There is no such thing as the perfect time for physical intimacy, but maybe you are rushing yourself emotionally by having sexual relations too quickly and mucking everything up.

Einstein said the definition of, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” He was a pretty smart guy.

If you are sitting around whining about how you can’t find love, maybe it is time to re-evaluate what you are doing. We often get into habits that aren’t good for us and can end up sabotaging the things we want most for ourselves.

The next time you set out to find someone, do things completely differently. If the old way of hitting the singles’ bar isn’t working, then stop going there and find something more productive.

If you want to fall in love, maybe you can’t find it because you are doing it all wrong, and looking in all the wrong places. If you follow these tips, you’ll be riding off into the sunset in no time!

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