Being in a committed relationship has its perks. But a snag many people face is being tied to the idea of monogamous sex. Here’s how to keep it fun!
I think we’ve all been there at one time or another—that place where you’re fully committed to your long-term partner, but you’re bored of sleeping with only them. Maybe the spark has run out, or maybe it’s all just too routine for you.
Either way, something has to change
Getting bored of having sex with the same person is not uncommon. Many couples fall into the same habits when it comes to sex and, after a while, it can lose all the fun and excitement it once held. This may be a sign of some deeper concerns, but it’s probably just what I like to call a “relationship rut.”
I’ve been there many times with different men I have dated. The honeymoon phase slowly fades away and I’m left feeling less than satisfied in bed, because I’m just too used to the way they operate. Does that sound like you? Are you not getting excited when your partner proposes sex?
Spice it up and make monogamous sex exciting again
If you’re like me—and so many other couples out there—and you just get bored when you’re having sex with your long-term partner, you’re not alone. While it can be discouraging and downright annoying, it doesn’t have to remain that way.
There are a lot of different things you can do to make your sex life sizzle again. Here are a few ways you can kick your boredom and make sex with the same person fun!
#1 Change up the location. There’s nothing exciting about having sex on the bed for the 200th time—seriously. When you have sex in the same room, it’s going to get old—fast. So take my advice and change up where you have sex. The living room, kitchen, laundry room… maybe even in the car while it’s parked in the garage!
#2 Switch positions—often. I bet you usually stick to the same 2 or 3 positions when you have sex. While those may be nice and get you “there,” they’re boring and predictable. Switch up your positions often during sex and try at least one new position every week. You may find a new favorite.
#3 Throw in a few toys. One thing that can spice up any sex life is adding toys into the mix. Sure, some people might find them intimidating at first, but once you really get going, you’ll find that it adds that extra something to the act.
#4 Role playing! If you’re bored of having sex with the same person, pretend they’re someone else! One role-playing act I love playing is pretending you’re both strangers. Head to a bar separately, pretend to be strangers, and start up a conversation that later leads to a “one night stand.” You’ll have fun and it will be ridiculously exciting!
#5 Make some rules. This tip really gives you a lot of freedom in what you want to get creative with. I’ve found that implementing a “foreplay only” rule *wherein you are only able to engage in acts of foreplay* always proves exciting.
Not only does this make us get creative with each other: it also allows us to experiment with what we like more and it even makes for better sex the next time, because foreplay will definitely be better.
#6 No hands! Tell your partner that they can’t use their hands—at all. Not only is it fun to see their reaction, but it’s also a challenge that they’ll love to accomplish. It’ll make them get creative with what to do to you–what could be better?
#7 Play different games. I like to spread these games out and make them bigger than JUST the sex act. A game I find fun is to sit down with your significant other and draw out a “chart” for the days of the week.
On each given day, there are rules that your partner has to follow. On Wednesdays, for instance, you both have to be blind folded. On Fridays, you can only use your hands—no mouth! If one of you forgets these rules, you have to buy the other one something special.
#8 Speak up! This isn’t about just listing what you like and don’t like—this spice tip is all about talking dirty—particularly if it’s not something you regularly do. You can tell your partner exactly what you like and what you want them to do to you *for your added benefit*, but it will also turn them on to see you being so demanding.
#9 Explore each other’s fantasies. It can be kind of awkward to divulge your deepest fantasies to your partner, but if you’re desperate to try and liven up your sex life, you should spill all of them. If you both tell each other your fantasies and then act them out, you won’t believe the impact it will have on spicing up your sex life.
#10 Wear something unexpected. If you usually head to bed in the same thing, change it up and wear something really sexy and unexpected. Not only will your partner take notice of you–they’ll be really turned on and will go to town on you.
#11 Strip for your partner. Want to do something unexpected that will make for one hell of a night? Strip for your partner. Don’t tell them what you’re doing. Just grab a chair, make them sit in it, turn on some sultry tunes, and get to stripping! They’ll be surprised, turned on, and really excited for you to get naked. [Check out: Sexy striptease 101: how to strip for your man like a pro]
#12 Watch porn together. One thing that always spices up your sex life is watching porn together. While some people aren’t comfortable with this idea, it may be beneficial. You can learn what your partner likes visually, and you can even make a game to reenact the porno—leading to one fun night and a spiced-up sex life.
#13 Give them a sexy massage. When’s the last time you oiled up your partner and had them strip down for a sexy massage? Never? Oh! Well, if you really want to beat that bedroom boredom, you should definitely do this. Sure, you’ll both get turned on by the slick oil, but they’ll also feel the need to repay you. What better payment than a hot night in the sheets?
#14 Sexting. I bet you don’t sext your partner often. If you did, sex with them wouldn’t really be all that boring. You should start texting them all the things you want them to do to you that night. You can even send a few racy pictures to get the gears in their head turning. Doing this every now and then is a great way to keep sex exciting and fun.
#15 Reenact your favorite sex scene from a movie. I know you have a certain scene and movies that just popped up into your head. Maybe it’s Noah and Allie from “The Notebook,” or maybe it’s something not as well-known. Either way, tell your significant other than you want to reenact it. It will bring you both something new to try and will kick-start your sex life.
#16 Show some PDA. Now, I’m not just talking about stealing a kiss here and there—although that works, too. I’m talking about spanking them at unexpected times and maybe even grabbing them in some naughty places. The thrill of being naughty in public is enough to have you both racing to undress each other at home.
#17 Have more quickies! Sometimes you only have 10 minutes to spare and need to pound out that quickie. If you’re both in the mood but the phrase, “I don’t have enough time,” starts to come out of your mouth, replace it with, “Let’s do this quick.” You’d be surprised by how much a quickie can relight the spark that’s been missing.
#18 Leave them discreet sex notes. Sexting is great, but your own personal hand writing lingering on a personal note to them is completely different. Trust me.
#19 Get some adrenaline pumping! Adrenaline is an aphrodisiac. So go do something that gets your adrenal glands active, and you’ll come home to the best sex of your life.
#20 Initiate sex at unexpected times. At your parents’ for the weekend? Have sneaky sex with your partner. It will be so surprising to them and you’ll both feel like teenagers—something that makes sex really exciting!
We’ve all been in a sex rut, and have felt bored with our partners. These 20 tips to overcome the dullness of monogamous sex will definitely keep the sex exciting and fresh, boosting not only your sex life, but your overall relationship.