There is such a thing as the right person, wrong time. Relationships are all about timing. So, focus on what is important and wait if it is worth it.
Let me preface this – I am not smoking anything right now. There is such thing as a soul mate, but it is all about timing. The truth is that you will probably meet several people throughout your lifetime that may be “the one.”
The problem is that they may not be “the one for now.” What do I mean by that? I think that we can all admit that we aren’t the same person from one stage to the next. Sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong time. We do what we do,we are who we are, and then we learn from our mistakes and move on.
Are they the right person, wrong time… or wrong person, wrong time?
The reason that there is such a thing as the right person, wrong time, is that there are people who are cut from the same mold.
But if you aren’t on the same track, the same time frame, or generally in the same emotionally mature place in life, then no matter how compatible you are, it isn’t meant to be. And so it isn’t the right relationship at the right time.
So, let’s break it down into two phases. There is the right person, and then there is the wrong time. That doesn’t mean that you won’t ever end up together, it just might mean that the person you have in your life right now is not what – or who – you need at this time.
Here is a breakdown of the right person, wrong time and how they conflict
Believe it or not, sometimes people don’t even know who is right for them. Unfortunately, we occasionally grab whoever is near, and then hope it works out with them. If it’s not the right person, then it won’t. Here are some qualities of someone who is the right person for you.
#1 You get each other. Whether you are 2 or 82, kindred spirits just have that ability to get one another. It’s like you speak the same language that no one else gets – it just feels comfortable and right to be together.
The right person is like finding the other sock that is missing in the laundry. The perfectly matched pair, and you feel lucky that it made its way home.
#2 They care more about you then they do about themselves. The right person for you is the person who cares more about how you are than they care about themselves. That doesn’t mean that they sacrifice for you, it just means that your happiness is right up there with theirs.
They know that in order to be happy, it takes two. You and them. An extension of who they believe themselves to be, they want the best for you – sometimes more than they want it for themselves. This would definitely be right person, wrong time.
#3 Protect and defend. The right person is someone who will defend you to the death, or at least to their own uncomfortableness. Chivalry is not dead, nor is fighting for your man. Sure, they can fight their own battles, but the best part about finding the right person is that there is no such thing as “their own battles.”
Any battle waged, is a joint endeavor, and their job is to protect you by letting you know that they are always in your corner, and will always be there to keep you safe.
#4 Same interests. We all get old, wrinkly, and don’t look like 20-year-olds forever. If you want a relationship to last, the right person is someone who you have things in common with, you can talk to about anything, and you have fun together. The right person is someone you want to share sunsets with, whether it is in Kilimanjaro or on the deck of your back porch.
#5 They bring out the best in you. The right person for you is not someone who tells you what you want to hear, they are someone who tells you what you need to hear. That includes saying things that are uncomfortable, may feel really wrong, and hurt your feelings.
The right person knows that it is their obligation, as someone who loves you, to push you past where you think you can go, love you more than you think capable, and to be your devil’s advocate when you are looking for an angel’s kiss.
#1 Neither one of you is ready for a commitment. The problem is that sometimes when we find the right person, we aren’t in a place in life that makes us a good companion. If you aren’t ready for a long-term relationship or have relationship anxiety, that can lead to resentment down the line.
If you aren’t ready for a commitment, then remain friends and get your playful days behind you, or you could risk losing them for good. But this is a big sing for right person, wrong time.
#2 You are more into your career than a relationship. If you *or the other person* are in a place in your life where you are so into climbing the corporate ladder that you don’t have time for a relationship, then it may be that they are the right person, wrong time.
There is nothing more difficult than letting the person of your dreams go to further your plan for the future. But, if you don’t, you could end up resenting them or wishing you didn’t have the distraction later on and went full speed ahead. That can make the right person look like the wrong one when your life is ready to begin.
#3 You don’t have your shit together. If you are in a place in life where you know that you can’t even take care of yourself or your own issues, that may not be the time to take on someone you love and start a future – no matter how perfect they are for you.
If you can’t get your own shit together, having the distraction of someone you love won’t make it any better. It will ensure that you won’t ever put your aim and focus where it needs to be, to get ahead, sober up, or get your ass to school. Sometimes the right person, wrong time can be the anchor that will sink you both.
#4 You haven’t finished one relationship. It is the absolute worst to meet the right person when you are in the wrong relationship. If you are in a relationship that you have had doubts about, or maybe not even until the right person came into your life, the worst mistake that you can make is to jump ship and think that you can exchange one for the other.
Or worse yet, cheat on one. If you want the right person to grace your life in the right way, then you have to be honest, cut ties, and be done with one before you take on another.
If you don’t have closure and resolution, then even if they are the right person, it is going to be the wrong time. It may feel like someone got cheated and that it wasn’t right.
Make sure to end and finish one relationship before you start another, no matter how “perfect” you think the other person is for you.
#5 You are just getting over a bad relationship. It is difficult to know whether you have found the right person for you, or if you have found someone to make all the horrible stuff and misery from a bad relationship disappear.
Let’s be honest, when you are in a bad break up, or someone was abusive to you, then anyone is going to look like the “right” person – whether they are or not. The worst time ever to find the right person is right after you have been in a relationship that left you with the need to be fulfilled and loved.
It is hard to know whether they are really the right person or just someone who is human and gives you what you should have had from a “normal” relationship.
Obviously, instead of having the right person, wrong time, the key is to find the right person, right time. Much easier said than done, but if you don’t wait for the right time with the right person, you could lose the love of your life.