Do you have the thought “My husband ignores me” and feel there’s nothing you can do to fix it? We’ve got all the answers you need.
Do you feel like you could walk around your house in a leopard print thong and still not garner any of your hubby’s attention? Feeling ignored or unappreciated in a marriage can lead to bad behavior on behalf of both parties and needs to be dealt with immediately. If you are constantly having the thought: “My husband ignores me,” you probably feel like you’re at your wit’s end. Thankfully, we’re here to help.
Your husband is more than just your mate; he’s supposed to be your lover, your protector, and your best friend. Feeling as though what you do or say doesn’t matter to the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone else can be a hurtful experience, and, as previously mentioned, may even lead you to act out against your husband. [Check it out: How to get a guy’s attention in any circumstance]
My husband ignores me—the issues
We’re looking at the common issues you may face with your unappreciative mate, as well as the dos and don’ts of getting his attention back.
#1 Problem: He’d rather hang out with his friends. Do you feel like your husband ignores you and would, hands down, rather hang out with his buddies than spend a night in with you? You used to feel like you were the main event in his life, but ever since getting married, you feel like the sideshow. Now it’s more exciting to head out with the boys than chill out watching Netflix with you.
The logic: Give your man the benefit of the doubt for the first little while on this one. The longer you are together, the more likely you both are to take one another’s time and attention for granted. Since you now live together and no longer get dressed up just to see one other, hanging out with friends seems like an excuse to head out on the town again.
The fix: This is a natural progression in some marriages and may require only a simple talk to fix the situation. Tell your husband you love that he has such strong friendships, and you’d like to have a special day to yourselves to strengthen your relationship, as well. Institute a date night once a week and reassure him this doesn’t always mean dinner and a movie.
Trading off on things you both enjoy will help him see that you’re taking an interest in his hobbies, too. One date night, for example, could be the two of you playing video games, drinking beer, and eating chicken wings like he would do with the guys. The next date day, try taking him out and going on a hike, or playing tourist for a day. Sharing in fun activities will remind him how great it feels to spend time with you as a friend, instead of just a lover. [Look into: 30 super sexy ways to keep your man really interested in you, all the time!]
#2 Problem: We don’t have sex anymore. We don’t care who you are, if you are having the thought that your husband ignores you… AND we you aren’t having sex,” that is a huge issue in your relationship.
The logic: Have you ever heard the phrase: “Boring sex is still good sex”? The longer you are married, the more likely you are to grow weary of the same old, same old in the bedroom. This doesn’t mean the sex is bad. In fact, it’s probably physically amazing. You know each other so well that you’re completely in tune with what you’re going to do, and what it’ll take to make both you and your partner cum. However, some of that spice and sexual passion from the beginning of your relationship has likely left the building.
The fix: To decide how to fix this, you first need to get to the bottom of the issue. Have a long conversation with your partner about why you are no longer having sex, or at least not as often as you’d like. Has their sex drive diminished? Are they into someone else? Do they have a porn addiction? If there is no underlying emotional issue, and they are definitely not cheating, then all you have to do is spice it up in the bedroom!
Start employing dirty talk, meet together at a bar and roleplay your entire date, leading up to a “one night stand” with your hubby. Buy monthly sex boxes that are delivered to your home, each with a new kinky fantasy to play out. Check out freaky sex positions, or head back to long-forgotten favorites, like going down on each other all night, sending dirty texts while they’re at work, or reading erotica to one another. There are plenty of ways to get his interests, among other things, aroused in the bedroom.
#3 Problem: He doesn’t text me. At the beginning of your relationship, your husband likely couldn’t wait to talk to you. He probably gave you a sneaky phone call or text during work and made sure to include all the cutesy smiles and inside jokes he could, just to make you grin.
The logic: Now that you’re married, you see one another every single day. This can make it harder for him to share things with you via text, since you already share all of your daily tidbits as soon as you’re home from work.
The solution: Tell your husband you miss getting cute texts from him. Encourage him to text you by sending him cute or dirty texts, or even phone calls! Even if you have nothing new to share, try just texting him a kissy face or a heart and wait for reciprocation. Tag him in funny, weird, or adorable videos via Instagram so a notification will pop up on his phone. The more you show him you’re thinking about him throughout the day, the more he will start to think about you and reciprocate.
#4 Problem: We don’t talk anymore. One of the biggest problems in a marriage is when you stop communicating. When you stop being open with one another, resentment begins to grow, which can turn a tiny snowball into a gigantic avalanche.
The logic: A drop in communication can stem from all sorts of things: boredom, resentment from past misconduct on your behalf, stress, underlying family issues, or even an affair. It could be anything.
The fix: You’d do well to ask your mate to have an open and honest conversation with you about why he doesn’t feel like he can talk to you anymore. When one mate is trying and the other has emotionally dropped off the face of the planet, it can only spell disaster for the relationship. If your mate is not comfortable sharing their reasons for disconnecting, encourage them to accompany you to couples counseling. [Try: 14 things you say or do that emasculate your man]
#5 Problem: He doesn’t care about your problems. When you find yourself thinking, “My husband is ignoring me… AND my problems!” it can cause a huge strain on your relationship. It could even be that he is loving and attentive in other aspects of your marriage, but doesn’t give much attention or thought to your personal or family problems.
The logic: Like women, men can be very selfish. The good news? He may not even realize he’s ignoring your problems. Men, by nature, are “fixers.” Where woman want to listen and rehash problems, men want to find a solution to them—especially for the women they are protective of. If you are having an ongoing problem, one that your husband cannot immediately fix, he may have emotionally clocked out due to feeling helpless!
The fix: If you feel like your issue falls under the “fixer” category, simply explain to your husband: while it’s very sweet that he wants to run out and Superman your problems away, sometimes the best way to help you along in this process is to lend a listening ear.
If you believe that there are other underlying issues and that he is genuinely no longer interested in your personal problems, you need to ask him how much your marriage really means to him and implore him to seek counseling with you.
The dos and don’ts of getting his attention
#1 DO: Be patient. So, now you have brought the issue of being ignored to your husband’s attention and he is actively trying to adjust his behavior. Keep in mind that habits are hard to break, and even if he is genuinely trying to bring you back to the forefront of his world, it’s going to take time. You may get frustrated when he displays old behaviors, but try to be patient and appreciate the small changes he is making.
DON’T: Accuse him constantly. Is your sex life dwindling? If so, it can be hard not to jump down his throat about having an affair. If he has told you there is no other woman in his life, and you have no reason to doubt him, try to let it go. *If not, hey, have a sneaky snoop through his phone. If you still find nothing, then you’re just going to have to take his word for it!* [Look into: 18 very subtle and ingenious ways to catch a cheater without dropping a hint]
Men do not like to have their integrity questioned, especially if they are legitimately being good to you. If you have no reason to doubt his word, move on, and focus on fixing your relationship.
#2 DO: Find a way to bond outside of counseling. If you’re not up for going to couples counseling together, try to find another way to open up and bond with one another. Some couples have done things as simple as doing Bible study together, watching relationship strengthening YouTube videos together, or exercising together—all with great success!
DON’T: Dredge up the past. Was there an affair or misdeed in the past? Don’t dredge this up in an effort to punish him for ignoring you. That was an issue from the past and should have no bearing on your relationship today. Instead of playing the blame game, focus on the issues that are before you now.
#3 DO: Have a date night. Much like finding a bonding exercise, having a healthy weekly date night will help you remain close friends, as well as lovers. This will also remind your husband why he used to love hanging out with you in the first place.
DON’T: Become closed off. If your husband is up to fixing your marriage, don’t become closed off to him out of anger. Communication is key in any relationship. Don’t try to give him the ol’ “one for one” ignoring method of punishment, thinking it will somehow help your marriage. Instead, keep open communication with one another every day and don’t be afraid to discuss your progress. [See: 10 tips to look fabulous while trying to get attention]
#4 DO: Remind him why you work. What if your husband wants to work your problems out, but he’s not much of a talker? Keeping an “Appreciation Journal” by the entryway of the house is a great way to communicate nonverbally with one another about what you love about your mate and your marriage. Write one message a day, detailing a shared memory you love, a trait you appreciate in your mate, or a situation you are going through. This will help keep the lines of communication open, and can sometimes be easier than verbalizing your issues.
DON’T: Force him to open up. Although it is important to remind both him and yourself why you are fighting for your marriage, allow him to do the same… in his own time. Forcing him to open up will only push him away.
It can be frustrating to feel ignored or unappreciated, but don’t give up! Your marriage worked once and can definitely work again. With a little effort, patience, and kindness from both partners, you’ll be back to being best friends *with marriage benefits* in no time!