Dealing with jealousy is hard. If you aren’t ready to let your jealous girlfriend go, try these things to help calm her fears and stop the battling.
It is human to be a little jealous when you see your significant other looking at someone else or to watch someone interested in them. But there comes a point where it is tantamount to distrust. If your jealous girlfriend continually distrusts you to the point of smothering you, consider whether it is worth it or not to be with her.
We love people who aren’t good for us or make us so frustrated, we want to rid them from our lives. At the same time we are drawn to them and love them dearly. That poses a severe hardship for someone who constantly tries to prove themselves to be trustworthy only to be told at every turn they aren’t.
Maybe you feel if things don’t change, you are going to end your relationship. But if you don’t want it to end, examine your own behaviors. If your jealous girlfriend has a tendency to be even keeled, and you don’t see any other jealous tendencies in her relationship with others, something else maybe driving her behavior.
18 things to calm your jealous girlfriend’s fears
There are things you can do to calm her fears. Learning to see the cycle altering your own responses may be enough to find a way to get past the jealousy and make for a smoother ride. If you listen to the signals she sends you; you may be able to combat her insecurities and build the trust to straighten out your relationship and get it unstuck.
#1 Make her feel valued. Many people who experience jealousy lack self-esteem and look for someone to validate them. When a jealous girlfriend doesn’t feel safe, she constantly looks for attention from you. Even if she doesn’t think you are cheating on her, she may know that is an automatic trigger for attention from you.
If you make her feel needed and valued, she likely won’t seek your approval and attention in the wrong ways. Instead she feels settled knowing you are hers and she is yours.
#2 Keep track of what sets her off. Women are cyclical beings. I would bet she gets more jealous when there are things going on outside of what happens in your relationship. I know this sounds ridiculous, but keep a journal of when she seethes with jealousy. Likely, you can almost pinpoint her moods according to the time of the month and other stressors occurring in her life. If you notice a pattern, it makes it easier to head it up and not do the things driving her so mad when she is her most sensitive.
#3 Communicate your feelings to her. A woman who isn’t getting the validation and communication that she needs from you will likely think you are giving your emotions and opinions to someone else. Sometimes it makes no difference if it is a man or woman, the fact you aren’t confiding in her, or including her in your life, make her feel cheated on. If you don’t communicate with her or hold things in, she may misinterpret that as someone else holding your attention and your ear. Making her react with hurt and accusations.
If you tell her about what goes on in your life, even when you have a hard time and don’t want to talk, she knows why you withdraw and won’t make the wrong assumption you found someone else.
#4 Tell her how you feel about her. You may think if you tell her how you feel through your actions, she’ll get it. But women are verbal creatures. When was the last time you actually said the words to her? When did you last tell her how much she meant to you? How much you love her? If you don’t let her know how you feel, then you are leaving room for interpretation. Obviously, men and women differ in the way they relate and the things they need in a relationship. Some honesty and forthrightness about your feelings goes a long way and likely saves you a lot of heartache.
#5 Avoid those things creating conflict. I know many guys who say to me “Why should I have to change for her?” If you want peace, you either need to cut her loose or avoid those triggers you know drive her wild. Many guys want revenge for their girlfriend behaving like a bitch. So they do the very things that make her go “crazy.”
Be careful, once you let the crazy out of the closet, it is hard to recoil. If she doesn’t like you texting your friend from work, don’t do it when she is around. If she doesn’t want you talking about her, don’t do it. What is worth more, getting back at her symbolically or maintaining peace?
#6 Choose between her and those who make problems in your relationship. If you know certain people in your life cause conflict, decide who is more important. If the relationship with your mother is too close for her comfort, then back things off a bit. If your best friend likes to cause trouble in the relationship, choose her over him for a time.
Once you establish a trusting relationship with her without the up and down, pick up where you left off in your other relationships. Those who are close to you and love you, should want you to work on your relationship first. And then they can take their place in your life again.
#7 Include her in things. If you exclude her in major decisions and ventures and your day-to-day, she feels like you are cheating on her. Obviously cheating on her with a woman and excluding her in your life differ. But not to an insecure and jealous girlfriend. If you hide things from her, then you are cheating in her mind. If you want to build a life with her, build one. Meaning you two are the foundation, not just you and an accessory.
#8 Make her feel more a part of your world. If she complains that she doesn’t know you or where she fits into your world, then you are probably excluding her from what is important in your life. A girlfriend may not be the cornerstone of your world, but you are to hers.
If you don’t feel the same way then you need to be honest, and it may be time to move on. If you don’t want to be a partner, let her know. Don’t toy with her emotions telling her she is your number one priority, and then make her feel like she isn’t.
#9 Put the phone away when you are with her. Boys and their cell phones frustrate and hurt women. The fact you think a digital device is more important than anything we have to say drives us crazy. She feels like you are cheating on her because you constantly check your text messages or your email or just look at your mobile device. If it causes a problem it is just time to choose. Her or your battery-powered Internet search?
#10 Stop social media that perpetuates the distrust. Social media sites are quite arguably one of the biggest relationship crushers there is. If you don’t have a strong relationship, then she likely monitors and spies on everything you do.
Even worse, if you yuk it up with an old girlfriend online and she sees it, but you never mention her, she is going to pull out jealous girlfriend mode. If you wouldn’t behave at a dinner party by flirting with girls, don’t do it online. It isn’t any less hurtful.
#11 Ask her questions about how she feels instead of assuming. Maybe there is something that is really bothering her that is the source of her anxiety. Don’t assume that you know why she is making the accusations that she is. There may be something that you don’t know or some miscommunication she assumes between you.
If you take the time to ask her “Where is this coming from?” she will likely let you know. There won’t be any misunderstanding about what is pissing her off.
#12 Be a little jealous of her. If you don’t care at all what she does or who she talks to, it makes her think you don’t care because you care about someone else. Jealousy is ugly, but what is even uglier to a woman is if you don’t care what she is doing. If you show no interest at all that she talks to an old boyfriend, that goes beyond trust, translating to her that you just don’t care if you lose her at all.
#13 Stop ignoring it. Whoever told you if you just ignore it, it goes away, was wrong. We aren’t two-years-olds having a temper tantrum. The worst thing is to ignore it or her. That is a sure fire way to kick jealous girlfriend into high gear or to see her walking out of your life.
#14 Give her an ultimatum. If things get really bad, and you can’t curb her anxiety, then you have to give your jealous girlfriend an ultimatum. If she can’t learn to trust you, and you have given her no reason to think you’d cheat on her. Then you stop the destructive behavior, or it ends anyway. Tell her it either stops or you breakup.
#15 Don’t talk badly about her behind her back. If you say one thing to her face and another behind her back, then she loses trust in you, period. If she can’t trust you, then she is going to be jealous with a reason. Don’t bad mouth her or make allies against her. If you are supposed to be a partnership, behave like it.
#16 Keep the conflict between you two. Even if you want some advice, the best person to turn to isn’t your best friend, your mother, or even her best friend. If you go behind her back to ask about what to do, you create an atmosphere of distrust and anxiety. Talk only to her about the problem.
#17 Don’t let a molehill escalate to a mountain. If one issue keeps rising, address it. If you talk about it rationally, instead of waiting until you are in the heat of battle, it always ends better. If you head it up before she even gets upset, then you won’t have to go through the battle at all.
#18 Follow through with your word. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Then there will be no mistake about where you are, what you are doing, or where your heart lies.
You face two options to curb a jealous girlfriend: you leave or you change your behavior. If you want to hold onto her, try to calm her fears before you say goodbye by using these 18 steps.