During the times of Tinder and Badoo, you may have fallen out of touch with the concept of how to court a woman. Now everything has to be fast!
Nowadays it’s weird if you don’t hook up on a first date, but you don’t have to do that. Actually, if you’re really wanting to get to know someone and find a potential partner, I recommend not sleeping with them right away. Instead, revive some aspects of how to court a woman and do it the right way.
I’m no expert on holding out, but, from what I’ve experienced, it’s a relief to not have a guy only interested in the sexual aspect of the relationship. I know courtship kinda sounds a little old school, but listen, you don’t have to wear a girdle and curtsy. This isn’t the 1950’s.
How to court a woman – 15 things you need to know about modern courting
So, if you’re curious about modern courting, here are the 15 things you need to know.
#1 You need to look within. Where are you in your life? If you’re still getting wasted every weekend and spending your weekdays going out with your Tinder matches, maybe you need more time to get it all out of your system.
However, if you’re in a different phase and want someone to be serious with, then consider courtship. This is definitely a method that’s for mature and self-aware individuals.
#2 Dating and courting aren’t the same. Maybe you thought dating and courting were the same thing, but actually, they’re very different. Dating is more casual, and you’re not necessarily looking for someone serious. Rather just testing the waters and having fun, completely understandable.
Courting is based on the idea of eventual marriage. Okay, if you just had a shiver up your spine reading the word, “marry,” I get it, it’s big step. But courtship is really meant for those who are seriously looking for someone.
#3 Start off as friends. There’s nothing more terrifying than meeting a guy who’s already on his knees, ready to pop the question. You’re courting, so it’s already assumed you’re looking for something more serious than dating.
So, to take the pressure off, why not start off as friends. Hang out with her in groups, learn about her personality by how she interacts with people. Then, decide if you want to proceed or not. Plus, it’s much easier to move on from her when you’re not so obvious with your feelings in the beginning.
#4 Man pursues the woman. Yes, fellas. Listen, modernize it however you please, but usually this is about the man courting the woman, not the woman courting the man. So, if you’re interested in her, you’ll have to pursue her. Call her, take her out on dates. In this aspect, it isn’t much different from dating. Usually, it’s pretty rare that the woman takes charge initially.
#5 You can only court one at a time. Yeah, this isn’t Tinder. When you’re courting someone, you’re finding out if they’re a compatible match for your future.
You can’t be courting three girls at one time, it’s not gonna work. You need to focus your attention on the one girl you’re courting. If she’s not compatible then you end the courtship and start courting someone else. If you’re courting a bunch of girls at once, you’re not really genuinely trying to get to know each one as well as you think you are.
#6 It’s not about the sex. Courtships don’t focus the relationship around sex. Actually, it’s completely the opposite. More conservative people won’t even hold hands or kiss until marriage, but you don’t have to take it that far.
Basically, you hold off, as long as you feel is enough, before having sex. I know sex is important and I’m a strong advocate for test driving the car before you buy it. But, you don’t have to jump into bed on the second date. This is the time where you’re really learning about this girl and seeing if she’s emotionally and mentally compatible with you. Then, go about having as much sex as you want.
#7 It’s all about family. Courtship has a very strong sense of family tied into it. Okay, this doesn’t mean your entire family attends your dinner dates, but your family to an extent is involved. You want her family to approve of you and your family to approve of her.
Also, since courting is about marriage, you also are looking for someone who is interested in starting a family and values the importance of family.
#8 Be open with her about what you want. You need to be completely open with the girl you’d like to court. Let her know exactly what you’re looking for. Don’t waste your time courting a girl and finding out she’s not interested having a family or getting married.
When you meet a girl, maybe not right away, but eventually, you’ll want to let her know of your intentions and what you’d like in your future. If she doesn’t want the same things, well, you didn’t waste too much time.
#9 You don’t have to be conservative. Courtship is stereotypically meant for people who are religious, which isn’t wrong. Conservative people do court. However, you don’t have to be religious in order to adopt this method. If you’re not conservative you don’t have to wait until marriage to kiss, hold hands, or have sex.
Modernize it and allow a waiting period of a couple months of no sex until you get to know each other. Think of Charlotte from Sex In the City, that’s what she did.
#10 Hide no feelings. Courting is about getting to know the other person, right? So do not keep your feelings bottled up inside of you. That’s going to be a disaster in the future. Be completely open with your emotions and she’ll do the same.
That way, you’ll really get to see your compatibility with her. You’re looking for a life partner, you better like each other.
#11 No games. This isn’t some game about who texts first or waiting three hours to reply. Come on, that’s for kids. There are no games involved with this. If you want to see her, ask her. If you like her, tell her. When you’re looking for a life partner, you don’t have to play these stupid games. And plus, if she’s into game playing, then you don’t need her.
#12 Court when you’re thinking of marriage. Close your eyes and think about it. Can you see this woman being your wife? If so, then why not give it a try and court her. You should really only be courting someone when you’re considering the idea of marrying them.
Basically, this is the first step to marriage. If you’re not thinking of marriage, well, then don’t court a woman. Just date her, it’s lighter.
#13 You can’t fail at courting. There is no such thing as failing in any aspect of life, so if it’s not working out with the woman you’re courting, well, then you just discovered that this woman is not your life partner. See? That’s not a failure, that’s called dodging a bullet. Take your time in finding a partner and if she’s not the right one then find someone else.
#14 Embrace your inner gentleman. This is the time where you can be a gentleman and make her feel appreciated. Buy her flowers, take her for dinner, compliment her. They don’t have to be big gestures, but they can be small ones to show her that you care.
#15 If you want it, you have to work for it. You think of this as some treacherous task. If you have a feeling that this woman may be the woman of your life, take your time in finding out if you’re right. It’s going to take work and time, but it’s well worth it if you’re ready to enter into the next phase of your life.
Now that you’re informed about modern courting and how to court a woman the right way, decide for yourself if you’re ready. If you are, then get out there and start courting.