We’ve all been called “the friend.” When I mean friend, I don’t mean “the guy I occasionally fuck” friend. The you’ve been friendzoned friend.
As a woman, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been friendzoned and have friendzoned. Countless, really. But the problem is, was when I was friendzoning someone, I didn’t consider it that. It was simply that I was sexually attracted to them and that was that. But, when I was friendzoned, oh, you bet your ass I called it friendzoning.
There was no way that I could accept that he didn’t want me. Instead, he had to have some hidden agenda, which I’m not saying is implausible, but unlikely.
13 ways to get out of being friendzoned
If you get friendzoned, there could be a couple reasons why. Maybe she genuinely doesn’t feel sexual attraction towards you or at least not enough to take it to the next level. It could be that they worry about ruining your friendship. Or they’re simply just looking to have no strings attached sex, which with you, they know wouldn’t be the case.
Point is, there’s a reason why they’re not having sex with you. So, you’re going to have to fish around and find out why. Once you find out why then act accordingly. We’ve all been in it and we’ve all wanted to get out of it.
#1 Back off. No one likes someone who’s constantly catering to them, day and night. I mean, of course, no one would say no to it, but no one wants to fuck someone who does that. You come off as needy and desperate, so back off. Back way off.
If you’re pushy with a combination of desperate, well, that’s not going to get you anywhere. I have a guy friend that is like this. Though he wants something, I’ve tucked him so deep into the friendzone that he’s never coming out.
#2 Change the way you act around her. If you’re very passive and let her make all the decisions, you need to change that. Now, I’m not saying that the man must take charge in everything, but if this is something you want to progress into a sexual relationship, make yourself seen.
You don’t need to act like an asshole, but don’t be shy to voice your opinion and disagree with her. That adds spice to your conversation since we, women, hate to be told we’re wrong.
#3 Don’t always be there. As a friend, you want to be supportive, but don’t make yourself be that guy who’s always available. When she needs something, she knows you’ll do it for her. Now, it’s god that she sees you as reliable. However, you don’t want to become her maid.
That’s the thin line you should be wary of. You can be there for her, but if she’s asking you to pick up her dry cleaning, then put your foot down. She wouldn’t ask her newly found boyfriend to do that.
#4 Change the way you talk to her. If you’re going to compliment her, add a little more sex appeal to your lines. So, instead of saying “nice shirt” say, “you look really sexy in that shirt.”
Don’t ask her where she bought it or what it’s made of. You don’t give a shit, we all know that. So, keep it short and to the point.
#5 Don’t allow her to treat you as her boyfriend. If you go out on dates and pay for her movie ticket, stop it. You’re not her boyfriend. And I know you’d like to be, but acting like one when you’re not is a bad move.
Now, she doesn’t have to do anything for you, and she’ll still get the girlfriend treatment. That’s not fair and if she’s doing this, well, consider if she’s even a good person.
#6 Make her see some competition for you. If she’s the only girl she knows of that hangs out with you, well, she doesn’t see any competition.
But if you have a couple other girls you hang out with, plus you’re slightly mysterious about them, that spikes her interest. Who are these girls? Are they more attractive than me? Do they want him? These are all questions we ask ourselves when we hear about other female friends.
#7 Ask her out on a date. If you see yourself heading into the friendzone, well, cut it by asking her out on a date. That’s the best way to show her that you’re not interested in being her friend.
She’ll understand where you stand and she’ll either take it or leave it. The great thing about this is you bypass all this bullshit if you do this relatively early into the relationship.
#8 Show you’re not interested in being her friend. If you want to get out of being friendzoned, decide what you want. Do you want to keep the friendship or not? Because if she tells you that she doesn’t see this as anything else but friendship, you have two paths: accept it or cut the friendship.
If you don’t want to be her friend, you need to make it clear that you’re not interested in friendship with her. But don’t just cut her off without an explanation, she deserves to know the reason why you can’t be her friend.
#9 Don’t pity yourself because you’re in the friendzone. I see this all the time. The guys who are in the friendzone always have this sad look on their faces. As if they’ve been chosen to be in the friendzone.
Listen, you decide if you want to be a friend or not. If not, then stop talking to her or just accept things how they are and be her friend. You decide how you want to live your life. And trust me, that pouty look on your face isn’t sexy. If anything she sees that as a sign that you’re a whiny bitch.
#10 Be more mysterious. This isn’t going to be easy, especially since you really like her. But, try to be more mysterious. She doesn’t need to know all the intimate details about your family life or the girl that’s hitting on you.
Let her become curious and that way, you become more appealing because you’re not giving her everything.
#11 Let her miss you. If you’re always there for her, when is she going to have the alone time she needs to think about you? We’re not thinking about you when you’re beside us, it’s when you’re not there, that’s when we start looking at our emotions.
Give her some time to miss you. Don’t always text or call her. Trust me, soon enough, she’ll be the one texting and calling you. Why? Because she misses you.
#12 Stop kissing her ass, figuratively. Stop kissing her ass, seriously. I mean, if you were to do it literally, you wouldn’t be reading this, so I hope you know I’m talking figuratively. Kissing her ass won’t make her like you more.
In fact, she may just end up using you because you literally do anything she says. Don’t get to the point where you become her bitch. It’s not healthy nor does it put you on an equal footing.
#13 Don’t be her problem-solver. She calls you for every problem she has in her life and you’re her shoulder to cry on. Now, if you were dating, she would also see you as a problem solver, which is good, that’s part of a healthy relationship. However, in this case, you don’t want to be the guy she calls only when she has a problem. You know what I mean?
Now that you know how to get out of being friendzoned, first find out why you’re in it. That way, you use these tools properly to give a solid try at getting out of it.