If you dominate a conversation, you’re probably a conversational narcissist. Since a conversation takes two, try and close your mouth once in a while.
Someone who is a conversational narcissist isn’t into conversations. They like hearing themselves talk. Completely unaware of the fact that they can’t be bothered with anything that you say, it is like six degrees of Kevin Bacon, it always comes back to them.
The signs of a conversational narcissist
It doesn’t matter if you talk about your dying mother or your greatest fear, somehow you find yourself discussing their issues.
#1 People avoid talking to you. If you always dominate the conversation, at some point, people tire of listening to you drone on. Too nice to say anything, they avoid talking to you because it feels more like a storytelling session than the give and take of a conversation.
#2 You look back at the conversation and can’t think of anything they said. When you are a conversational narcissist, then you aren’t really paying attention to what people are saying.
You are just waiting for your minute to jump in and steal their thunder. You might be listening to the words, but only to find a relationship that brings the conversation back to awesome you.
#3 When someone starts talking, you already try to relate it to something in your life. You constantly go through your mental category of stories that are similar so you can bring it back where it belongs, on you.
#4 You say things like “you think that’s bad…” You have a list of intro phrases that break up what anyone has to say so that it can be all about you. Like a comic leads into their skit, you transition to dominate the conversation and make it about something much better, you.
#5 You are bored with what other people have to say. If you sit in your chair while people are talking thinking, “Man, is this boring, when are they going to stop?,” then you aren’t someone who really wants the give and take of a conversation. You are more about the give.
#6 You always have a “better” story. Whatever someone says, you think your story is one better. Like a competition, you constantly try to one-up someone. Even if you have told the same story about a thousand times, you hold people hostage to hear it again. Whatever they have done, you have done better.
Whatever crazy thing they did, you have done something crazier. That makes you a conversational narcissist.
#7 You think people don’t have anything to say, but you really just never let them. If you leave every conversation thinking that everyone else is shallow, then there is a good likelihood it wasn’t that they didn’t have anything to say, you probably didn’t give them so much as a second to get more than ten words in edgewise.
If everyone else says nothing and you feel like it is your job to fill in the gaps, you create them for your own good.
#8 You feel like you entertained an audience all night, guess what, you didn’t. If you feel like every night you “killed it” when you were in a group of people, then you’re a conversational narcissist. A conversation isn’t the same as a lecture group.
It isn’t your job to entertain people. It is your job to talk and listen. You miss the listening portion.
#9 You raise your voice to break in when someone is mid-story. If you are in a group of people who aren’t listening, then you demand they do by talking super loud. Not just to get your point across, but to get the floor back.
Talking loud and being obnoxious isn’t buying you any friends nor will it keep people wanting to be around you. Hush up and listen once in a while.
#10 You worry you were a little too forthcoming. If you leave most of your conversations feeling like maybe you said too much or went too far, then guess what? You did.
You know you dominate the conversation by talking about anything, whether it is too personal or not. It is all about attention getting and keeping people listening.
#11 You’re too self-disclosed. If you don’t ever stop and think “maybe I shouldn’t say ____,” then you say way too much. Probably because you think people want to know every inch of your life. The truth is they probably don’t. You make them uncomfortable by showing your conversational narcissism.
#12 You have a tendency to hang out with uninteresting people. You choose people who intentionally don’t have much to say so that you dominate the conversation.
The people who have something to bring to the table are just time wasters and breaking in on your “talk time.” You go out with people to hear yourself talk, not to listen to people drone on and on about themselves. Again, all “me.”
#13 When your stories get old, you move along. When you see the glaze go over the crowd, you move onto the next group of victims to tell the same set of stories. You start it with “you think that is bad… ” and wear it out all over again and again.
#14 When you look at your text messages it is all blue with a little white here and there. Some people are not just conversational narcissists but also social media and texting narcissists.
If you have a chat or text session with someone with 20 lines for every one of their one lines, then you dominate the conversation. They probably aren’t even reading your words, hence the completely superficial responses.
#15 People know everything about you, but you really know nothing about them. If everyone you know, knows your life story, but you have no idea who they are, and you have been friends for years, then chances are good that you are a conversational narcissist.
You use people to be your therapist but aren’t much into being someone else’s counsel. Nothing they have to say is important enough to tune in for very long, so you know nothing about them.
A conversational narcissist doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a narcissist, it just means that you aren’t very good at the give and take in a conversation.
If these 15 signs of a conversational narcissist relate to you, just hush for a bit and think about listening to what other people have to say. You never know, their stories might actually be as entertaining as yours.