“Attraction is only skin deep” might work for some. But, for the sapiosexual, being attracted to intelligence is a much sexier thing than the physical.
Okay, so I am from a completely different dating era. I am going to blow your mind here, but when I was first out on my own and looking for something lasting, there was no such thing as the internet. I know, yes, that day did exist. There was a time when you didn’t create a life on social media; you actually had one. No one took pictures of themselves and, even if they did, they hid them because it wasn’t cool. In the day, you were attracted to intelligence.
Attraction is a funny thing, and even more curious is why we love people. In a day when everything is about instant gratification, Tinder hook ups, and internet dating sites, finding someone “real” is becoming increasingly difficult. The notion of sapiosexual is nearly a thing of the past, or is it?
What does it mean to be attracted to intelligence?
Sapiosexual means you fall in love with someone for something other than the way that they look or the external beauty they display to the world. It isn’t just about falling in love with their intelligence. It is about finding a connection with someone that goes beyond the physical and is in the realm of the real. Sapiosexual relationships have things to offer besides something fun to look at.
There are still some of us who find that love is truly more than skin deep. Loving someone for their wit, charm, or even their intelligence, is a special quality. Do you have it?
10 things that signal you might be a sapiosexual
There are many reasons why finding someone based on what they have underneath their smile and dashing looks makes for a much deeper connection and lasting relationship. Sometimes those people who make our hearts go pitter-patter aren’t the best people to have in our lives.
Attraction is undeniably a very important part of a relationship, but it definitely isn’t everything. Sometimes intelligence, support, and knowing who someone is on the inside, is far more important than liking what they look like on the out.
#1 Your favorite foreplay is bantering. The phrase “they have a good personality” doesn’t frighten you. Typically, something someone uses to cover up the fact that a person might not be so kind on the eyes, to you is a good personality and the reason to meet someone.
After all, what else is there? Beauty fades, and although senility might take some of your mind in old age, you age intellectually together.
#2 Your notion of the best date ever is having coffee while discussing the complexities of life. When you think about your first date, it isn’t about a fancy restaurant or a concert. You know that those are the types of places people go to meet each other without ever really getting the time to get to know them.
A cup of coffee, perusing the bookstore, or sitting on a park bench discussing the meaning of life, is a much better forum to know if they are the one you want to put any more time or effort into getting to know.
#3 You understand that intelligence isn’t about grades on paper or the higher learning degrees you receive. Being attracted to someone’s intelligence isn’t just about the list of books they absorbed, their degree, or what they read in a book somewhere. Intelligence comes in many forms including emotional intelligence.
Being attracted to someone because of their intelligence means you are on the same emotional level. They are intuitive, kind, thoughtful, and caring. All things that make your heart swoon. The way they look takes a back seat to their inner beauty and heart.
#4 You don’t want a resume, just someone to love. You aren’t impressed that someone is a Fortune 500 executive or that they come with all sorts of anagrams or titles. You look for someone who you can have a witty conversation with and is too cool with who they are to be a walking resume billboard.
You know that when people use their background to tell you how smart or worthwhile they are, they really don’t believe it themselves. Otherwise, they wouldn’t feel the need to let their titles talk for them.
#5 You are looking for someone who can work a room, not by having all eyes but all ears. Instead of walking in with the prettiest date on your arm, be it, boy or girl, you want to enter the room knowing that when you two separate they can hold their own. No one will be scratching their head wondering what the two of you have in common or what you see in them.
You know that their intelligence and ability to adapt says it all. They don’t have to have a high cup size or bench lift a certain amount. They can talk to anyone from fifteen to ninety and in between.
#6 You look for someone who isn’t about cutting corners… even in communication. You are slightly, if not altogether, turned off by a text message from someone you consider dating using the wrong “there, their, or they’re” when they text.
U isn’t a word in your vocabulary, and, if you are going to write it on text or paper, you think “for goodness sake, use proper grammar.” It isn’t that hard… or is it?
#7 Going to the theater is not even in the realm of what you want to do together. When you date someone and are attracted to intelligence, you find you don’t even consider going to the movie theater until well after you are a couple.
The first few of months are filled with exploration of the mental kind. No shortage of challenging topics to talk about, or theories to test with one another, the last thing you want to do is waste your time staring at a screen when you could be meeting minds.
#8 You would rather discuss Pythagorean theorem than what’s on the cover of “Us” magazine. Not into what celebrities are doing, or the latest fad, whatever it is, you are more comfortable talking about things that are intellectual and real.
No time for gossip or shallowness, you look for a deep emotional connection with the person you are with, not one that you can have with the person next to you on the train ride home.
#9 When you do go to the movies it better be meaningful. When you do decide that you want to go to the movies, you choose something with a major plot, is complex, or a psychological thriller.
There is no entertainment in watching a sequel, a comedy that is all bathroom humor, or a remake of something crappy to begin with. If you spend your time at the theater, it better be a mentally worthy two hours.
#10 Questions aren’t irritating, they are thought-provoking. Not everyone likes the endless questions that can come from getting to know someone. A sapiosexual is someone who wants to stay up all night debating religion, politics, or even Aristotle. The more questions, the better.
That doesn’t mean they can only be emotionless questions either, talking and sharing about your goals, desires, and dreams, are all within the realm of attraction for the sapiosexual.
All about a meeting of the minds, being attracted to intelligence is about falling in love with what makes someone an intellectual, both book-wise and emotional. A deeper than skin attraction, it is about finding the inner soul that matches yours.