Are you always being pursued by some jerk who ends up breaking your heart? You may be doing something that irresistibly attracts them. By Bennett O’Brien
Being able to attract men is a great thing. It gives you dating options, confidence, happiness, and a bunch of other benefits. However, if you keep attracting bad boys who treat you poorly and just suck at life in general, there may be some things that you are doing to make this happen repeatedly.
Imagine this scenario. You are at a bar with your friends. There are several groups of guys whom you and your friends think are attractive. One group is very rowdy and loud and are drawing a lot of attention to themselves. The other is more laid back and quiet.
As the night goes on, you gradually find yourself talking to some of the members of the rowdier group. Perhaps you go home with one of them, or perhaps you start dating one of them. Soon, you find out that he is a bad boy who treats you poorly. Damn, why does history keep repeating itself?
Why do you always seem to attract jerks?
Here’s what you may be doing to attract the bottom feeders of the dating world, the jerks who disrespect you and the men who charm you, only to end up breaking your heart.
#1 You ignore the quieter guys. Bad boys often tend to be louder, and put on more of a show at bars and clubs. While this may be appealing to you initially, it may be also be a warning sign that he is immature. Chanting, yelling, and spilling beer all over himself in a bar with his friends could be a sign that he hasn’t grown up yet.
Bad boys are often guys who haven’t grown up enough, and still have a lot of maturing to do. So, next time you are at a bar, maybe try giving the quieter guys a little more attention.
#2 You reward bad behavior. It could be as simple as laughing at a blatantly inappropriate comment, flirting with him after he makes fun of you or still trying to get him to talk to you after he says something mean to the waitress. You may not realize it, but you might be encouraging bad behavior by rewarding it with your approval.
#3 You go for guys who fit a pattern that you are familiar with. This is one of the most basic but overlooked things that you might be doing wrong. If you don’t want to end up with yet another emotionally unavailable, toxic bad boy, then don’t date another one who is exactly like the last one! If you want a different outcome, you may have to break the pattern and take a chance.
#4 You think that nice guys are “boring.” It’s sad, but it’s possible that you may think that if a man is being kind to you, that he is boring. Girls often claim that they want to be treated right, but then get sucked in by the allure of the bad boy who puts them down.
“Why is he being mean to me?” “Why doesn’t he like me?” “Is it possible for me to fix him?” Trying to find answers to these questions can seem like a fun game to play when you are younger and haven’t experienced the “bad boy” yet. But after a while, these games can be exhausting.
Here’s a tip: the connection and the emotional security that nice guys can offer can be extremely exciting too. Other than that, they won’t put you on an emotional rollercoaster that will drive you nuts when you start dating seriously.
#5 You are too emotionally harsh yourself. If you are someone who uses biting sarcasm like it’s your job, then you may be scaring the more emotionally mature guys away. Smart guys know that they want a girl around whom they can let their guard down and bond with them. If you are constantly putting people down or using lots of sarcasm, you may be scaring all the right guys away while drawing in the jerks who share your sense of humor.
#6 You don’t think enough before you get involved with a guy. Not thinking enough about the situation with a particular guy before you get involved with him can be a key mistake. Before you enter a new relationship, you should think it over, and make sure that you are not repeating patterns of the past.
It can be all too easy to allow yourself to slip into yet another unhealthy situation just because a hot guy is into you or he doesn’t seem all that bad. This is why you really need to give some serious thought to your dating life before you commit to yet another bad boy.
#7 You crave their approval. Sometimes, girls can get caught thinking that they need the approval of bad boys. Perhaps they see the rejection of a bad boy as a threat to their self esteem. Perhaps they want to make up for that one time when they were turned down by a bad boy in high school. So, in order to remedy this, they try to win over the bad boy.
#8 You are emotionally unavailable. Guys who are mature are likely to choose girls whom they can be themselves with, and who don’t have a million walls. This is because they are looking to connect with someone on a deep level. This can be tough if you’ve got more walls than a castle.
Bad boys, on the other hand, don’t mind emotional unavailability because they also have that trait. In the bad boy’s mind, being with an emotionally unavailable girl is perfect because you can then disappear on each other whenever you feel like it. Sounds like fun? I don’t think so.
#9 You are being lazy. Sometimes, it can be really hard to find a guy who is the right combination of exciting but also non-douchey. Perhaps in your quest to find the perfect combo, you have gotten a little tired. Maybe you aren’t focusing as much as you should be, so you are settling.
It’s not that you attract the jerks, in this instance. But you may just end up being with them simply because they’re the ones who approached you.
While bad boys may look interesting and intriguing at first, actually dating them can be extremely emotionally draining. Part of the reason why they are bad boys in the first place is because they don’t know how to express themselves in a gentler way. Do you really want to be navigating those emotional waters over and over again? Don’t think so!
The aura you project and the way you respond to men says a lot about the types of men you attract. When you tend to be easier on the jerks and meaner to the nice guys, you’ll definitely end up attracting more than your fair share of the worst kind of guys!