Does your boyfriend think you’re needy? Find out just how needy you are, and use these 9 ways to stop being needy and insecure in your relationship.
Isn’t it great to be in love? There’s someone who’s always going to be there for you. He is someone who would listen to you, give you advice, comfort you on bad days and make you feel better. He can help you with chores, call you every hour or shower you with gifts and compliments! Doesn’t love just make life so perfect?
Looking at your relationship through rose-tinted glasses is common at the start. But when you take off those glasses and try to objectively have a peek into what’s going on in your relationship, what do you see?
Do you see a girl who’s always running to her boyfriend for help? Do you see a girl who’s always texting, calling and emailing her boyfriend even if she knows he’s busy at work? Do you see a girl who needs constant affection and adoration from her boyfriend in order to feel good about herself?
If any of those statements somewhat describe the way you behave in your relationship, then there’s a possibility that you are needy and/or insecure.
Give yourself a moment and try to see if there’s even an inkling of a chance that you may be smothering your boyfriend with clinginess.
9 effective ways to stop being needy and insecure in love
Do you think you’re needy or insecure? Well, don’t worry, there are tons of ways you can control this behavior so your partner doesn’t feel like you’re choking the freedom out of him. You just have to wean yourself off your needy behavior and give him the space to crave for you.
#1 Don’t bargain for time. Keeping tabs on how often you’re together isn’t healthy relationship behavior. You can’t tell him that just because he’s out with his mates today, he needs to be with you all day tomorrow.
He shouldn’t have to “pay” for doing the things he wants. If this keeps up, he might be tempted to go behind your back whenever he wants to do something just to avoid you making a fuss. This can either lead to more lies or him getting fed up when you’re asking for more time. Remember, it’s the quality of the time you spend together, not the quantity.
#2 Get a hobby, preferably one that can enhance your self-esteem. There are tons of things you can do to improve the skills you already have. Love working with your hands? There are tons of DIY projects out there! Have an ear for music? Maybe music lessons would work. Want to be in better shape? Try a trendy new workout.
Not only will this help you raise your self-esteem by improving your skills, but it will also keep you occupied enough to give your boyfriend some space.
#3 Make communication an even trade. Have a look at your text or online conversations with your boyfriend. Are you taking up more than 70% of the talk space? A good way to avoid bombarding your boyfriend with messages is by aiming for equality.
For instance, whenever you send out a text, it may be tempting to send a follow-up. Skip the follow-up and make your initial text a conversation starter. Ask about his day, mention something he’d be interested in or even ask him out for drinks. Now patiently wait for a response before sending him another text. In the meantime, you may want to work on your hobby.
#4 Don’t let jealousy rule your relationship. Jealousy can lead to so many ugly scenarios that it needs its own library! But the thing about jealousy is that it can form its own vicious cycle. You can start off with feeling needy, but this would then lead you to be jealous of others who take up your boyfriend’s time.
If you often feel jealous when your partner isn’t with you, bombarding him with texts or accusing him of infidelity won’t help. Instead, what you can do is to try and have a little faith. Calm down and be rational. If he’s not known to have a wandering eye or if he’s just at work, try your best to believe him when he says that he’s not doing anyone on the side. A little trust can go a long way!
#5 Keep your expectations realistic. Your partner isn’t perfect, and he can’t always be there to help you with everything. It helps to realize that he also has a life to live: family to be with, friends to hang out with, and a job to excel at.
When he’s not available to be with you or to talk to you, it’s not a sign that he doesn’t care about you. Instead, it’s a sign that he also has other priorities. Even if he has always been the one person you can count on for anything, he may have realized that it’s time to help you become more independent by letting you do things on your own. Don’t take his inability to be there as an affront.
#6 Give yourself an hourly texting limit, if you’re constantly texting. When you have your phone on you all the time, it’s tempting to just message your boyfriend whenever you’re thinking about him. Try to combat this by setting a limit on yourself.
There are tons of ways you can set up a limit: you can do some chores for an hour or two before texting him. You can watch some TV with your phone in the other room. You can keep your phone in your drawer while at work so you’d only be able to text him when you’ve finished a certain amount of work.
#7 Respect each other’s space. When he asks for alone time, make sure you respect it. Everyone needs some quiet time to get away from it all. But don’t think that whenever he asks for space, he’s pushing you away. It just means that he’s keeping himself from being smothered by all the things he has to deal with everyday.
When you grant him his alone time, remember that it’s not because you did something wrong. Rather, it’s because everyone needs to recharge from time to time. Maybe this can also be the perfect time for you to get some alone time, as well. [Confession: I’m a boyfriend who’s too clingy and needy!]
#8 Is something missing? Sometimes, neediness can pop up when we need something, and we’re looking for it in our relationship. For example, you’re bored with your job, and you’re looking for excitement. Instead of going out there and searching for better work opportunities or more interesting tasks, you call up your boyfriend and invite him on an exciting date.
But of course, since he can only provide you with so much, you’ll keep wanting more and expecting more. Not only will this exhaust him, but it also won’t solve your problem of seeking excitement in an entirely different aspect of your life. In this case, it’s your boss you should be talking to, not the bloke you’re dating!
#9 Sometimes it IS him, and not you. We can sometimes start to feel insecure when we feel our grasp on our relationship slipping away. So what we do is try to cling onto it by prompting communication, going out on dates frequently, and basically trying to resuscitate the whole thing.
However, there may also be times when no matter how we try to keep our end of the bargain, it’s our partner that’s no longer interested. If you think this is happening in your relationship, we suggest you talk to him about it. If he admits that he’s not as invested as he once was, you can both try to work on it, or as many other couples would do, just let it go.
Being needy and insecure is a vicious circle. And once you start feeling it, it almost always only gets worse with time! So the next time you feel insecure, don’t hide your feelings or obsess about it, just use these 9 tips or talk to your man about it.