Just because you had a baby, doesn’t mean you have to let your sex life take a nosedive! Try these 7 tips to rekindle the flame with your partner! By Michelle Lamoste
For first time moms, having a baby is literally life-changing. Motherhood brings in many changes to a woman’s life—from the drastic physical transformation during pregnancy to the added responsibilities of raising another human being. These changes are accepted with open arms because motherhood is a fulfilling role that’s unique to women.
However, a few weeks after giving birth, some of the ecstatic, happy feelings that comes with seeing the baby for the first time will fade as reality gradually sets in.
Your body will need time to fully recover, whether you’ve had a natural vaginal delivery or have undergone a c-section procedure. Doctors will recommend waiting at least six weeks before you can resume your sexual activities.
Why your sex drive drops after pregnancy
Even after those six weeks, you may still not find the idea of having sex as appealing as pre-pregnancy while fatigue sets in. During the baby’s first three months of life, most moms will feel deprived of sleep, as they feed or rock the baby to sleep or change nappies at night.
If the mom breastfeeds, it’s also possible to feel a significant drop in sex drive. Libido levels decline not only because of physical exhaustion, but also because of the hormonal changes that new moms go through after giving birth. Prolactin, the hormone responsible for lactation, suppresses your sex drive as it prevents the body from ovulating. This is also why they say that full-time breastfeeding is an effective birth control method.
Another hormonal change that may make sex less exciting for you is the drop in estrogen levels. When there’s no ovulation, your estrogen levels also go down. This means the mom might experience vaginal dryness, which can make intercourse uncomfortable and painful.
This article aims to help new moms experience the joy and pleasure of sex again after having a baby. Sex shouldn’t be a chore or a mere responsibility to be performed for your partner. You owe it to yourself to feel great and find sex enjoyable again.
Getting your sex life back on track after having a baby
Here are ways to start feeling sexy again and enjoy lovemaking postpartum:
#1 Love your new body. After pregnancy, you’ve gained weight and you may also have a couple of new love handles. So what? It doesn’t make you less attractive. Don’t feel pressured to shed off those extra pounds. Instead, shop for clothes that will make you look and feel good about yourself. Buy tops or dresses that complement your body type. Try wearing post-baby or compression girdles to support your tummy. This will also help conceal the bulge.
#2 Wear sexy nightwear and lingerie. Nobody told you to wear those baggy pajamas after giving birth. Ditch your maternity clothes or store them somewhere else for your next pregnancy. You’re no longer pregnant. Wear those silky, figure-flattering nightgowns. Go for sexy colors like red or black.
Please say no to granny panties. Buy undergarments that turn you and your partner on—lacy bikinis, satin push-up bras, thongs, etc. Also, here’s one benefit of having a baby: you’ll have bigger boobs due to breastfeeding. Take advantage of this new cup size. Wear bras that show off the cleavage that may not have been there pre-pregnancy!
#3 Schedule some “me time.” Being a mom is a 24/7 role, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be doing things for your baby non-stop. After all, you can’t be a great mom or a partner, if you don’t pay attention to yourself first. You can avoid feeling “touched out” by pampering yourself at least once a week.
Do the things that you love to do: get a massage, schedule a spa appointment, have a luxurious bath, have a romantic date with your partner and the like. While you are away, ask your partner, a relative or the baby’s grandparents to look after your baby. They may be pleased to spend time with your new bundle of joy.
#4 Set up your bedroom for sexy time. Keep your bedroom, or at least your bed, free from baby stuff. Baby stuff like toys or bottles can be a turn off, as these have a “wholesome” feel and may be distracting for you and your partner while you’re in the act of lovemaking. Remember that the whole set-up, the ambiance of the place where you are having sex, contributes to the heat and passion that lead up to sex.
#5 Explore the power of touch. Now, here’s the part where you don’t have to wait full six weeks before you can do it—touch yourself or ask your partner to touch you. Cuddle with your partner. Engage in passionate kissing. Caress each other’s bodies. Ask your partner to stroke your clitoris or give your partner a hand or a blow job.
As long as his fingers and manhood don’t penetrate your vagina during the six-week hiatus, it should be safe for you. Think of this as a way to condition your body for the real thing.
#6 Do Kegel exercises. So you’ve just delivered a baby and you can probably imagine the size of your baby’s head coming out of your vagina. You’re probably wondering if sex will feel the same again and if you’ve become loose down there.
Health experts say that vaginas are pretty flexible, and while you may feel that your muscle tone has decreased post-pregnancy, this condition is just temporary. What you can do is to strengthen these muscles by doing Kegel exercises. Contract your pelvic muscles and hold this position for 10 seconds. The sensation is very similar to what you are feeling when you are holding your stream of urine. Do at least 10 sets of these pelvic floor muscle exercises per day.
#7 Use a lubricant. You are probably wondering if sex would hurt after all those lacerations and tears during childbirth. The fact is that sex may still be uncomfortable after the six-week healing period. As explained above, hormonal changes may make you unusually dry, a condition that’s not permanent. Your ability to lubricate and your sex drive will be back in no time, but you don’t have to wait for these before you can make sex pleasurable for you again.
There’s a simple sex accessory that you can use to make sex pain-free and enjoyable: lubricant. Don’t skimp on lubricant. Choose a water-based lubricant like KY Jelly. Rub it on your partner’s penis and on the entrance of your vagina to ease penetration.
While bringing a baby into this world is a major accomplishment, giving birth to a new life doesn’t mean you should give up yours. Having sex is a wonderful bonding experience for you and your partner. Ease back into the game and revive those passionate lovemaking sessions!