Everyone knows that cheating will ruin any relationship. But for those who need more convincing, here are some very valid reasons to remain faithful. By Danielle Anne Suleik
I’ve always wondered why people decide to cheat on their amazing partners. When their boyfriends and girlfriends turn out to be asses, I’m not so surprised anymore. When I discovered that a shocking majority of the people I know ended up cheating, I decided to find out why.
I would ask them. They would answer with vague descriptions of how their relationship is going. The blame ultimately goes to their partner. When they realize it’s all their fault, the blame still goes to their partner. After I discovered the similarities between their justifications, I turned to the internet.
Apparently, the reasons I heard aren’t necessarily the most legitimate forms of vindication. The true reason lies in something that people can’t readily admit: That they want more. They want more love. They want more romance. They want more money. They want more sex.
Admitting that you are not content seems to be some form of surrender for most people. It’s like they’re too afraid to admit that they have insecurities and wants that cannot be accepted by society. So when people have a go-to reason for why they cheat, that’s probably a lie.
So, why wax poetic about the deepest urges of mankind when I claim to be one of the people who can resist the urge to cheat? The honest truth is that I will never cheat because I have been cheated on.
Why being cheated on convinced me not to cheat
Before anything else, I would like to tell you the story of how I was cheated on. I was in a long distance relationship with a guy whom I thought was my boyfriend. Not knowing where he was all the time made it possible for him to sneak around with another woman – or two. He did it. I found out. I was hurt. It was over.
I could have tried to exact my revenge in one way or another, but nobody wins and only one person loses – me. So, what did I do? It took some time, but I learned to let go. When the time came when I was forced to decide whether I would cheat on a new guy I was seeing, I declined.
It came easily once the pain of when I was cheated on came crashing back. I would not wish that on anyone, and I would prefer it if the people who liked me didn’t assume that I was morally corrupt enough to do that.
Would I still cheat if that didn’t happen?
I can’t say no, because I have no idea how my mind would have worked, if that didn’t happen. An innate sense of justice and righteousness can’t prevent a person from cheating. There are factors that can change a person’s mind and values, as long as they’re living and experiencing different things every day.
Why do people cheat?
To understand what could convince a person to cheat, let’s delve into why people cheat in the first place.
#1 Sex. Studies show that no matter how happy or miserable a person is in a relationship, most people *men more than women* cheat because they can’t get enough sex or the kind of sex that they’ve always wanted. The cheating comes when they’ve exhausted all possibilities of asking their partner to experiment or the frequency of intercourse dwindles down to almost nothing.
#2 Romance. This one is the biggest complaint for women. They end up engaging in extra-marital affairs because the romance in their relationship is practically non-existent. This happens when two people start getting used to the idea of being in a commitment, and fail to make more of an effort like they used to when they first started seeing each other.
#3 Communication. Due to misunderstandings involving work, money, family and other issues, a couple can fail to discuss what’s really wrong with their relationship. When this happens, the frustration bubbles up inside and then manifests itself when a person acts out. Cheating isn’t the goal. It’s just the tool that was readily available to express a person’s resentment.
#4 Biology. Hormones are a bitch. They will betray your true feelings and make you do things that you’ll regret later. The sad thing is that you wanted to do those things in the first place. That’s why it’s harder to control your actions when you have weak sensibilities and a hot person is already naked in front of you.
#5 Inebriation. If you thought blaming it on the alcohol is one holey excuse, you’re wrong. The real sin was that you allowed yourself to be inebriated enough, that your inhibitions got destroyed in the process. You love your partner, but that wasn’t on your mind when you were wasted.
It’s not that complicated. Not everyone will cheat, but there are still those who insist on doing so. In order to keep yourself from cheating, you need to think about why it’s not a good idea. For me, it’s pretty easy because I know what happens to people who get cheated on.
Why I would never cheat
Aside from the fact that it hurts like hell to know that the person you love is seeing or sleeping with someone else, I also had to think about why I wouldn’t cheat even if I never got cheated on. So, what else keeps me from cheating?
#1 Knowing that I could get caught. If I ever cheated and was unfortunate enough to get caught, I imagined different scenarios that would follow the revelation. I could get humiliated by an act of revenge. My stable partner might turn out to be crazy and hurt either me or my lover. I could get jailed if I was in a country that deemed that illegal. There are so many possibilities, but the one thing that keeps me from doing it is imagining the face of the person I love once they discover that I betrayed them.
#2 My opinion of myself. Some people are strong enough to deny the fact that cheating doesn’t bother them. I, on the other hand, would think so low of myself that it would make it hard for me to ever feel good about myself. Would I be a bad person because I cheated? In my opinion, yes. And that’s what matters the most – what I think about myself.
#3 The people around me. Cheating can be a secret, but history has proven that not all secrets can be hidden. Sooner or later, you will tell someone. Your lover will tell someone. It will end up as a chain reaction of epic proportions that could ruin your reputation, career and overall standing in your community.
#4 The moral implication. It’s not something that is accepted in society. Cheating is definitely a bad thing because you are theoretically giving away someone’s sole right to your affection. You are hurting someone, even if they don’t know it. So ask yourself: Is that something that you really want to do?
#5 The emptiness. Cheating is never rewarding. The climax and orgasms. The fake excuses for affection. They’re not real unless you admit to yourself that you want it to be more than an affair. Before you decide to give your love to someone else, make sure that the person you’re with knows that you are giving up and are ready to experience something new with someone else.
I love being able to wake up every day, knowing that the few things weighing on my chest don’t involve cheating on the person I love. I can feel at peace knowing that I am being the best person I can be in a relationship, even if it doesn’t work out in the end.
Saying I will never cheat does seem presumptuous, but as of this moment, I know in my heart that it is not something that I could possibly do. If something happens in the future that might change my mind, I’ll let you know. I’ll even tell you why I did it. In the meantime, don’t hold your breath.