When you separate from someone you were convinced was “the one,” getting over them can cost a lot of effort and heartache. We’re here to help.
It happens to us all at some point. If it hasn’t, you’re either very lucky or very unlucky—depending upon perspective, of course. Splitting up from a loved one, someone you’ve dedicated yourself and your whole future toward, is a universal part of life—though its inevitability makes it no less devastating.
It’s natural to hold on to the last vestiges of hope, or the mere suggestion of a chance to get back together. However, when the rejection is emphatic and time is moving on without any change in the situation, it’s time to start moving on, yourself. It’s time to start living life, not as someone else’s cast-off, but as your own person, in a world apart from your former lover.
Obviously, that’s much easier said than done, but the following list of post-relationship tips to get over someone should help you get on the right track.
Steps to get over someone who’s on your mind all the time
So you’ve tried to carry on with life, and are still incapable of getting though each day without feeling like a broken wreck all the time, try these steps to help you ease the pain, and get over this person at the same time.
#1 Talk it over. Try not to keep all that heartache and hurt to yourself. It’s exactly times like these that you need friends to talk to, to maybe shed a few tears with, and to start processing things objectively by talking the relationship through.
#2 Avoid old haunts. Don’t be an emotional ghost, constantly showing up at old haunts like a pale imitation of your former self. Whether to remind yourself of old times or on the off chance that you might bump into your former lover, this unhealthy approach will only serve to prolong the pain. Find some new places to hang out and start living life anew.
#3 Rebound. Although many an agony aunt will advise against a rebound relationship, sometimes a meaningless physical fling is just what the doctor ordered. Have a bit of fun first, and then start concentrating on getting your feet back on the ground.
#4 Reinvigorate your contact lists. Emails, cell phones, personal organizers—they’re all full of reminders of your former partner. Have a clean-out and make sure you aren’t reminded of them every time you look for a phone number or address.
#5 Cut financial ties. Any joint bills or expenses need separating as soon as possible. Financial ties can be pretty persistent, and the last thing you need is that hanging over your head whilst in the difficult process of trying to deal with a breakup.
#6 Rome wasn’t built in a day. Be patient. Don’t think that you can get over things in a heartbeat. Don’t try to convince yourself that everything’s okay, when it patently isn’t. Give it time and do everything else you need to do to ensure that you are making healthy, step-by-step progress.
#7 Hit the tiles. Getting out and having fun is a great way to get over someone. Separate yourself from the routine you had with them, spend time with friends old and new, have a drink, and dance.
#8 Get physical. If the misery of life after them is getting to be too much, take up some form of exercise. Not only is it incredibly beneficial to mental and emotional health, it also gives you a new routine to focus upon.
#9 Decorate. If the home you have, until now, been sharing is yours, try adding a bit of new home decor. Change the home environment and wipe away domestic reminders of your ex.
#10 Have a holiday. Whether it is a beach trip, a city break, or a country hike, get away and dust off the emotional cobwebs. Maybe even have a holiday romance.
#11 Get a new circle of friends. Sometimes, the lines get blurred between whose friends are whose…so get some new ones. That way, at least, the conversation won’t accidentally stray in the direction of the person you are trying to forget.
#12 Association “stop“ therapy. You’ll find your mind constantly dwelling on your ex. When it does, do a little mental “STOP!” to correct your thoughts. Although silent, it should feel like a strong enough mental shout to keep you from dwelling on them any further.
#13 Take a course. This is another great way to change your routine and keep yourself occupied. Cooking, languages, or academia—the subject is less important than the execution.
#14 Throw yourself into work. You’ll have a whole lot of time newly available to you that you could use positively to further your career. Don’t get obsessed, but do put that time and energy to good use.
#15 List the bad points. Do a pro and con list…but without the pros! Remind yourself of all the things about them that used to annoy you, that you don’t have to put up with anymore.
#16 Memento bonfires. Sounds a bit bunny boiler-ish, but having a bonfire of all the things which remind you of your ex could prove quite therapeutic.
#17 Meditate. Similar to physical exercise, meditation could help you deal with post-relationship withdrawal. Especially if you have to get out and go somewhere to learn how.
#18 New hobbies and interests. A number of ideas along these lines have already been mentioned, but whether it’s a new sport, computer gaming, stamp collecting, or pole dancing, new hobbies and interests are a great way to keep your mind occupied.
#19 Move. Extreme, but if you’re in a position where moving to a different area is an option, then why not take advantage of the opportunity to actually leave your ex behind—in every sense of the phrase.
#20 Closure is for movies. That whole thing about getting closure, confronting your ex, and getting them to sit down and have a great debate on the reasons for separation won’t do any good, whatsoever. All it will do is have you thinking about them all over again, without providing any of the answers that you were probably hoping to hear. Closure works brilliantly on the big screen, but in real life, it falls far short of any of the intended objectives. Instead, give yourself time to grieve and heal.
The end of a relationship doesn’t have to mean the end of who you are. Remember these ideas to help you get over someone, and start living your life again.