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8 Aug

15 Ridiculous Lesbian Myths that You Probably Still Believe

Lesbian myths are rampant, especially around people who don’t know any better. Are you content to stay in ignorance or do you want the truth?

There are so many hilarious lesbian myths even in this age and time, and they just won’t go away. They are so numerous that I need to write sequels or an entire trilogy just to cover every lesbian myth in existence. Others would refer to these myths as lesbian stereotypes. A lesbian stereotype is a pre-conceived notion about lesbians and their way of life that isn’t always true but is perceived as truth by many.

Whether it is called myth or stereotype, both tend to limit how everyone views lesbians and the lives we lead. I am not quite sure where all this nonsense came from, but I think that debunking the long list of misconceptions that already exist is one of the biggest challenges to making people better understand the LGBT issues.

This piece is intended to shed some light on some of the most common myths I personally encountered. I’d like to believe that not only are these myths false, they are also mean and annoying. Of course, I cannot possibly speak for everyone and maybe it’s just me, but I think Lesbos are really tired of hearing people say all these ridiculous bits of misinformation. Come on ladies! ‘Lesbe’ honest and tell me I’m right!

The truth about these ridiculous myths

Well, regardless of your take on this, below are some of the myths that are unfortunately prevalent within our culture, and along with them are the corresponding facts dispelling them. Feel free to browse through the list and see for yourself!

#1 Myth: Lesbians can’t become and remain as Christians.

Truth: Since when is Jesus a “members only club?” I’d like to believe that faith has nothing to do with orientation. Personal belief is an intimate connection between you and your God that only the two of you can understand. It is not about organized practices or dogmas. It’s about his message and his message is simple, LOVE.

As long as we hold Christ close in our hearts and we offer him everything we have, he’ll be more than okay to welcome us. Gratefully, at present, there are many denominations, faith groups and churches that accept all humans, regardless of any differences. But if all else fails, remember that He showers compassion to all his creation. He is of great mercy and He will understand.

#2 Myth: Lesbians recruit because they cannot propagate.

Truth: This whole gay recruitment agenda is heresy. I am looking at you, Uganda! I am sorry to disappoint kids, but we don’t have a euro savings account or stacks of gold bars to fund all these recruitment and membership-for-cash advertisements. Lesbians are never interested to any form of conversion. Unless hypnotism is used or lesbian magic dust exists, I don’t think that a change in sexual preference is something we can talk you into.

#3 Myth: Lesbians are fat and ugly women who can’t find men.

Truth: Excuse me, can you say that again?! FYI lesbians aren’t lesbians because they couldn’t get a man. The truth is they don’t want men in the first place. If there was even a grain of truth that men don’t find us attractive, then some of us wouldn’t be married before coming out to begin with.

I am not saying that none of us are fat or ugly, but it’s not like we’re all fat and ugly, and straight girls are all pretty and hot. Lesbians, like heterosexuals, come in different shapes and sizes. For my part, I find straight women equally hot, but I’d say lesbians are on a whole different level, if you know what I mean *wink*.

#4 Myth: Lesbians often tend to get emotionally attached too easily.

Truth: This myth springs from the invention of the urban slang ‘u-haul lesbians’ named after a brand of rental trucks. According to Urban Dictionary, these are lesbians who, after their first date, tend to move in with that person right away. This stereotype syndrome has been disfavored, and it’s considered unhealthy by many. However, this immediate “urge to merge” issue is simply dead wrong. Mind you, we can wait until the third date!

Although some of us jump quickly into relationships and move in together after a short period of dating, it doesn’t mean that ALL lesbians literally drag a u-haul truck or a suitcase to their second date. That’s ridiculous! For what it’s worth, most of us still think that the dating stage is an essential part of building a strong relationship. Anyway, you can’t blame us if girls find us more expressive and nurturing, that they easily want to live with us for good. Envy much?

#5 Myth: Lesbians never miss The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

Truth: This one might be true. However, we don’t watch Ellen because she’s gay, we watch her because she’s freaking entertaining! Besides, who doesn’t watch Ellen? Its world record of at least 3 million viewers per episode speaks for itself! In fact, the show has won a total of 33 Daytime Emmy Awards, need I say more?

#6 Myth: Lesbians stay friends with all their exes.

Truth: False. This may be true for some, but definitely not for all. I remember this e-card I saw over the internet that says “your ex asking to stay friends after you broke up is like kidnappers asking to stay in touch after they let you go.”

This note may be plain humorous, but if you think about it, it actually makes a lot of sense. Like every normal person, we are not comfortable bumping into or hanging out with an ex-lover, unless of course, if we’re emotionally stuck. But that’s a whole new article to write about.

#7 Myth: Lesbians dress alike.

Truth: Am I missing something here? If this is true, I guess I have to call FedEx because I haven’t received my uniform yet. Oddly enough, lesbians can pretty much wear whatever they feel like. We have a different choice of wardrobe, and we like different girls and different everything. Well, if you are of the same size and style as your partner, then lucky you for being able to match outfits. But that doesn’t happen all the time.

#8 Myth: All lesbians look like… lesbians.

Truth: Ugh! Yeah, like we all share the same stylist and hairdresser, and buy all our clothes at once. And we have this universal calendar where we plot what to wear, how to look and when. We also Viber each other every morning to make sure everybody looks the same as if in the military. Seriously! Are these things even possible?

#9 Myth: Lesbians know all lesbians.

Truth: Newsflash: We haven’t done the official lesbian headcount and we don’t intend to. Really. What made you think we keep a directory of all lesbians in town? I mean I know a few, but I haven’t met the other 608,636,342 lesbians all over the world or the 9,567 lesbians in my hometown, so quit asking if I know “her.”

#10 Myth: That we all suffer from Lesbian Bed Death.

Truth: A sociologist claimed that committed lesbian couples have less sex than hetero couples. I wish I can give him my finger, but I’ll just say that it’s a big fat, lie. Lesbian bed death isn’t real. It is a misnomer, a myth and it will remain as such for all eternity.

Lesbians love sex and we cannot even imagine a sexless future. Sure, we might be like frisky bunnies in the beginning and our bedroom habits may slow down a bit over the years, or perhaps we may prefer to enjoy each other with clothes on for a while. But isn’t it the same with long-term straight relationships? And if lesbians go easy on the bed time eventually, maybe in the next Jurassic age, is it really just because we are gay?

#11 Myth: “The L Word” is a real-world portrayal of lesbian lifestyle

Truth: Duh. That’s why there is “The Real L Word” show, right? Don’t get me wrong, because I love the show. I am such a fan who is torn between wanting to be Shane or Bette. However, the L Word isn’t a perfect depiction of how lesbians live their lives.

At best, it only showed how diverse the lesbian population is, and how unique we are, even compared to our fellow lesbians. It is no more than a fictionalized story meant to entertain viewers and keep the ratings high.

#12 Myth: Lesbians love to flaunt their sexuality.

Truth: Actually, we do not flaunt it, you just love watching us! On a serious note, contrary to popular belief, it is a fact that we are not granted this privilege in most places on earth. So, the flaunting accusation is a bit farfetched. Maybe in the United States or in Amsterdam but there are 195 more countries all over the world, and out of this number, there are 79 countries where homosexuality is illegal. I am not good at Math, but the figures tell us otherwise. Best of all, how come nobody complains when heterosexuals try to eat each other’s face off along the sidewalk?

#13 Myth: Lesbians are into pets.

Truth: Everybody is into pets. My neighbor is into cats, and she’s a straight 70 year old housewife. My dad loves birds, but obviously he’s straight. Since when did pets become gender sensitive? If this is so, do we need a lesbian veterinarian too, every time our pets throw up and get sick?

#14 Myth: Lesbians grew up in a broken family or with an abusive father or a homophobic Uncle.

Truth: Possibly. But I think you are just watching too many soap operas and reading too many novels, that you are seeing and imagining things. You should consider switching channels.

#15 Myth: Lesbians are attracted to all women.

Truth: Wrong! We are only attracted to all HOT women! Kidding aside, just because we are lesbians doesn’t mean we are attracted to every chick we see. Most of us are insanely picky too. Have you ever wondered why we ain’t hittin’ on ya?

There are so much more lesbian myths to disprove, but unfortunately, we don’t have the luxury to put them all to death one by one. May this article serve its purpose well. May this list not only give you a good laugh, but also encourage you to get to know us better instead of boxing us up into a pre-formed idea of who we are. And may you begin seeing us in the same light like any ordinary human being.

Myths about lesbians exist because of people who keep on insisting they know better, when in fact, they have no idea what they’re talking about. Don’t fall victim to what other people say, and only believe a reliable source!

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